Sorry you have to be here. But you are among others who understand what you are going through. You have the strength to do this. Look at what you have conquered already that is no small feat. Stand up brush yourself off and move forward.

Rob - I love that; "We are not citizens of the closet".  Brilliant!!!

I'm also in full agreement of your statement, "If they feel so moral and right, then why can't they own it?"  Sooooo true.  My ex is openly gay - in SOME ways.  His kids know, and I would suppose all the mutual friends of him and his boyfriend do, too.  But my ex's family - who lives in a different state - doesn't know at ALL.  I know he's brought the boyfriend with in the past to at least one family gathering and told everyone they were "friends".  And of course they didn't act like more.  My kids truly enjoyed seeing their extended family out of state a time or two per year - which we always did when I was married to their dad.  They continued that on the early years after the divorce.  But they don't do it anymore.  Why, you ask?  Because my ex's boyfriend won't let my ex go out of town without him, and if he takes him, it becomes obvious that they're gay.  Now,.... I will say that ex's family is Uber Christian, so I could see them not being accepting of this.  But then just tell them and once they react inappropriately, write them off.  Why live in fear like that if you have no problem being gay???  I've told him that what he's teaching the kids is that it's okay to give lip service to something but then not own it.  He just brushes it off, saying that his boyfriend isn't into public displays of affection.  Fiiiiine.  Then go, tell them you're together, and don't kiss.  Jeez.  ENOUGH with the excuses already.  If you can't be yourself after everything you've gone through, when WILL you be free to do so, ya know?  His problem.

I hate how they hide who they are to us, and then they want us to hide it for them once we find out.  Wouldn't you think that the biggest risk is your st8 spouse finding out, and ending the marriage?  After that, what could be worse?   What other kind of loss could be greater than that of your spouse and children?!?  Just f'in own who you ARE already.  If you don't think who you are SHOULD be acceptable, then for God's sake, stop embracing and indulging that part of yourself.  But you can't have it both ways.

I made it clear to my ex that I had the right to tell anyone in my life about MY.LIFE.  I won't cover for you - it's not my job, it was never my commitment, and after the hell you put me through, I sure as hell don't owe it to you.  Once my kids knew, there was no danger in it for me.  Too bad if he doesn't want to reveal who he is.  He HAD that right - beFORE he married me and had kids with me.  Now it's MY story, too.  And I will tell anyone I damned well please.  I've not felt the need to run and tell his family because I never interact with them.  I know they thought I was hilarious and sarcastic - qualities not highly prized in their family.  So I'm sure they think this was all my fault.  My ex's mom hid it from her family too - I'm sure she told them it was me who wanted the divorce.  She just forgot to tell them the "because he's gay" part.  Whatevs!  One of ex's cousins asked me at former MIL's deathbed who the guy with my ex was.  I said, "That's R."  She said, "Yeah, I've met him before.  Who..... IS he?"  I said, "M's..... friend?"  She was like, "What.... KIND of friend???"  And I just said, "Who do YOU think he is?".  She looked at me like she thought it was a boyfriend, but.... NO, right?  And I was just like, "I didn't ask for a divorce for no reason, sweetie.  That's his boyfriend."  So yeah, I outed him to his family.  I have no idea how far and wide that did or didn't spread.  But ex is under the assumption that they all still have nooooo idea that he's gay.  Yeah, they DO, blockhead.  Hell, most of my family and friends told me after I announced that I was getting a divorce that they thought ALL.ALONG that he might be gay.  Let the skelatons out of the closet already.  Yeesch.

Kel