Yeah I am having a bad day myself. If am home I have my kids and other things to occupy my mind even though she is there. But when I am at work my mind just takes over and focus and concentration just isn't there. How are things going with you tinkerbell?

Yes they are. Just read your post happy you have created your limit of what you can and can't except that's good. So what are you going to do with the new house? Are you going to live there?

Demons-halo wrote:

Yes they are. Just read your post happy you have created your limit of what you can and can't except that's good. So what are you going to do with the new house? Are you going to live there?

We have discussed it and I will take the new house once it is finished and we will sell the old house.  I don't really care where he moves but I'm hoping we can be civil throughout this.  I don't want it to get ugly.  Of course this is all dependent on how far he goes!

I can understand how you feel about the kids.  I told him it was good we didn't have kids because I can't even imagine putting someone else through this.  I hope for the best for them and you.

I just needed to jump in and say thank you to all of you who have participated in this thread.  MANY of the things said here have and will help me.  I may have to read it every day. Ha!

Shari, All,

I'm a year divorced  and I did want to want to say that I loved my wife.  I think I loved her too  much ...I was too devoted.  I treated her so well.  There was nothing I wouldn't have done for her..   She had a a good life,  SAHM, she wanted to go back to school..np..I'll pay for it..   wanted the kids  in this school, and that..no problem.    Need a back and foot rub every night..I'm there.

Its like that Meat Loaf song;  "I'll do anything for love..but I won't do that".    I was codependent,  I had trauma bonding  ("Insane loyalty")..   but I could not live with a gay cheating wife.    She did not love me anymore.   There was this fundamental shift in loyalty from me to her girlfriend.   Decades of marriage discarded for someone she barely knew.

 TGT and her affair were like getting hit by a bus.    What kind of person does this to their spouse?   To someone who has treated them so lovingly?      And if you hate me and want a divorce why be so cruel about it?  In a sentence; what the hell did I do wrong?

Part of my being on the board here is to try to help out  but also to help process what I went through.   
I process that I could not have tried any harder.. that I kept all my promises and vows.     In the end  and 
to this very day, she is seething in anger at me.  But I  am the kindest person the planet.   It's a real brainf**k  that I need to just left go and move on..

I go forward now knowing I gave true love.,  I'm alone..  but not abused.   A bit lost trying to recall who I was..  but free to discover that and  do whatever I want.   

I'll end with saying I  both empathize with and admire all the straight spouses that are authentic and gave true love.     You did nothing wrong and deserve so much more.   I'd rather be among such authentic true hearted people. ...