Lol

After talking to séan today and him confirming what I already in the back of mind figured out. I think I am getting a little closer to confronting her. It is going to blow up and go nuclear on her side I know she is going to lose her shit. But I have the right to express myself my feelings. I am just so scared to act only on my feelings. My hurt my pain my anger the pain this is going to cause our kids. My kids. I need to be able to remain rational. This sucks.

I would say that I've noticed the pattern here too, Demons.  Although not in every case (yours being an example), most of the men on here were told by their wives that they were gay, and the wife either wanted out, or it eventually wound up that way after people tried.  Most of the st8 women here found evidence of their husband acting out - not typically being told outright that they were gay.  In BOTH cases, the men seem to be the ones who want the marriage to remain intact - even if they're the gay partner.  I'm not sure why that is.  I've always thought of men as being the more cut-and-run type, especially since they tend to be the ones who are the breadwinners.  But this forum has shown me for years now that that's not the case when it comes to the gay thing.

I agree that most of the st8 men wanted to stay with their wives - whom they loved very much - if only she would choose him.  And in some cases, there has been plenty back-and-forth as she floundered around to come to some conclusion on whether they truly want to pursue the lesbian lifestyle.  But it still appears that in most cases here, the female calls the end of the marriage.  Whether by emotionally leaving (even if she doesn't admit that she's gay then), or by deciding that what her GID husband is doing isn't working for her.  I don't have any idea if that's in line with how most straight marriages end.  I fit the profile - I was the straight female who eventually called the marriage dead and decided to move on.  My ex didn't want to divorce, and he took forever (2 years) to move out after he knew it was inevitable.

You are not weak for wanting things to get fixed.  Far from it.  But neither is it weak to want to end things.  It's a matter of being honest about what both you and your spouse's needs are, what you're both capable of delivering, and deciding along the way if that's satisfactory enough to build the relationship on.  For me, it seems most women leave when they realize that they can no longer trust their husband.  It seems that most men leave when they see their wife has already done so in one way or the other.

Kel

Halo,

Yeah I cried at work too.  It was ironic..there I was at work earning money to support my family and she used that support to conduct a gay affair..but I was a bad husband for working. 

I am so glad to be away from that crazy reality.  Crazy is an overused word when people talk about their ex..I never realized until now what people were trying convey..how the logic of these spouses/former spouses defies reality. 

Work became a refuge for me away from the home where I was no longer wanted.  But I went home to it everyday like a father and husband should to see the kids.  Also because that was the life I knew and signed up for.  My cheating gay ex expected me to flee..wanted me to leave and not come back...all because she decided to have a gay affair.  She was taunting me to leave so she could then, without guilt, say " oh you left..you left us and the kids..I didn't make you leave"
As they say on the board here..not my circus, not my monkey. 



Gather strength,  cry ..but always remain the good father and husband you are.dont allow her to make you who you are not.  We did nothing wrong.

I really don't see reaching and being able to maintain a rational state of mind anytime soon.