I have no idea what the future holds. I hope we can be civil but that depends on how high tensions run. I have a friend. Well Ex friend who has decided to take my wife's side. That says she can see it ending in the worst way possible between us. I can see it to sometimes when she is in one of her moods. It breaks my heart. Not only for me and what I'm losing but for my kids as well. None of us asked for this. She brought this into our relationship into our family. She has said when we first got together and had sex she was only getting off because I was because I was enjoying it. That she never felt a connection or bond with me. God damn it those are 2 really big red flags that should have told her something wasn't right. Gay or not those are kind of hard to miss and over look. Now 15 years later 3 kids later. A marriage later. Hey I'm gay and don't love you anymore.
Sorry all that just just kind of came out. Frustration what a wonderful thing. Lol

phoenix wrote:

Demons-halo wrote:

Logically I know it's wrong and really not healthy but,emotionally I would love if my wife invited me to her bed or jumped in bed with me. Just being able to touch her again. Lie down next to her and hold her. The sex wasn't great and hasn't been for at least 5 years. She would just lie there like a corpse. It got to the point I started having performance issues.
But just being there touching her, holding her started to be everything to me because honestly that was all I was really getting. Sometimes I really hate that I still love her. I hate being who I am. I have told her many times I wish I could be like her and not care anymore this would be so much easier. So much easier if on the day she told me. I ignored her crying and told her F*** you see you in court and walked away. But that's not me. I still have the feelings of a good husband. FML

This is normal.  Nothing wrong with you.  I felt the same way for a while. 
True love dies slowly.  You can't flip a switch and walk away and never feel anything.. cold turkey.  It doesn't work like that.  If you could do that.. you weren't fully in love with the person.  The only other way to let love go quickly is to replace it with someone else.  If you love someone else more then it's easier to let go of the old love.. still not going to happen cold turkey though. 

I dealt with the same issues.  I still loved her.  I wanted her back even after she cheated on me.  I wanted intimacy (though I didn't ask for sex).  I wanted to have her hold me and comfort me.  I wanted to put my head on her chest and hear her heartbeat and breathing.  

I can't give any advice on how to let love go.  I think it just takes time or a realization that there is something better. Getting angry can erode those love feelings as well.  Though I don't we try to get angry. 


Keep taking things a day at a time.  Keep sharing and talking here.  

 

Exactly how I feel. Exactly my situation. I have been having almost constant anxiety attacks for awhile to the point I think it would feel weird not to be having them. The only time I don't is when I am with my kids. It's the only time I feel normal and loved.

Last edited by Demons-halo (April 26, 2017 8:53 am)

I agree wholeheartedly with Phoenix.  Get some help with the symptoms.  This is emotional distress.  If you had a cut this deep on your skin (vs. your soul), you wouldn't sit around, watching it bleed and trying to be stoic about it.  You'd go get patched up with the goal of eventually healing and not needing the stitches eventually, or the painkillers or all the bandages.  You give yourself what you need to heal.  Do that this time, too.

As for still being in love, yeah - that happens.  It's natural.  It too shall pass.  Getting over someone requires distance from them.  Maybe it doesn't help much immediately (because then you're just missing them), but it will eventually help.  The less contact you can have, the better.  It is the exact OPPOSITE of what you FEEL like doing, but it is, nevertheless, exactly what needs to be done in order to get over that person.  Most of us have had breakups in our past with people we've dated or been married to.  Even when we knew we had to break up with someone, we still missed them for a while.  And it's even worse when they break up with you and you don't want to.  There's a whole level of "I don't want to accept this" on TOP of the missing them and still feeling in love with them.  That too all passed, though.  I've had several people in my life that I've thought I would love forever.  That no matter what happened, we'd shared so much.  Well, I don't still love them.  I may have fond memories of them, or even smile when I think of them.  And then the doorbell of life rings, and they don't cross my mind for another 4 years.  I never, EVER think of my ex now except where it pertains to the kids and logistics.  I was sure I'd always love him as a person, and I just.... don't.  I am kind to him, and I wish him no ill will.  But I don't love him any more.

You'll get there.  Go no contact and it goes much faster.

Kel

It's always harder that way.  I'm sorry. 

I wasn't in love with my ex any longer when I asked for a divorce.  He stayed for over 2 years after I asked him for the divorce.  That time was probably the most stressful of my life.  It's so difficult to be flexible and compromising when you know that none of it's going to go toward the relationship.  I was so.... locked up inside.  I kept getting sick  (strep), and it became antibiotic resistant.  It was like even if I had the mental and emotional capacity to handle it, my body didn't.  I'd never had that issue before.  I haven't been sick like that since my ex and I finally separated.  I get the occasional cold now, but that's IT.  It's like night and day.

It can be so difficult to know how to act toward the other person.  You don't want to be nice and sweet, because..... well...... they don't deserve that!  And it will get you nowhere except taken more advantage of.  Being neutral or even short with them will get you backlash.  It's a zero sum game.  And it SUCKS.

Is it possible for you to rent something in your neighborhood, so the kids can just go back and forth between the houses as they wish?

Kel

Hey Kel for some reason I want to start calling you Momma Kel. Caring but firm and a wealth of knowledge to share. Lol