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Welcome to the OurPath (formerly Straight Spouse Network) Open Forum.
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    April 24, 2017 3:36 pm  #1

    Lostgirl
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    Is anyone here with a Bi-spouse who's willing to let them experiment

    Some background, we have been married 25 years, he feels he is bi and told me 9 months or so ago.  He assures me that he has never cheated in our 25 years together, we have one child, 11 who is still at home.  He wants to stay married and has assured me over and over that he loves me and desires me.  That being said, he has started looking at men often and has begun visiting a gay bar with me allowing it.  Do I like it? Hell no, it hurts!  I guess what I am trying to say is anyone willing to try letting their spouse experiment if it means they can make the marriage work?  Let me say again my spouse believes he is Bi and not Gay, of course in a few years he could decide he wants a relationship with a man full time and decide he is gay.  If that is the case I would know there was no hope.  Has anyone been able to make something like this work?  I know that every story is a little different and it's those differences from mine that have made it hard to know what to do.  He's been very good to me, he hasn't cheated, he doesn't push me to allow anything, we talk everything over, it seems wrong not to allow him this side of his sexuality even though I have every thing to lose.     Please don't judge me too harshly, this has been hell on me and like most everyone on here not what I signed up for. 

     

    April 24, 2017 4:05 pm  #2

    Duped
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    Re: Is anyone here with a Bi-spouse who's willing to let them experiment

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    Last edited by Duped (November 11, 2019 2:32 pm)

     

    April 24, 2017 5:49 pm  #3

    Kel
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    Re: Is anyone here with a Bi-spouse who's willing to let them experiment

    What would you say to him if he came to you and told you that he's figured out that he thinks he's polyamorous - that he'd like to continue on in the marriage with you, but he'd also like to sleep with other women, too?

    If he's bi, and he's attracted to both men and women, then what's that mean?  That he's got to have BOTH in order to be sexually fulfilled?  What if you went to him and told him that you needed him and other men in order to be fulfilled?  (Don't even bother asking him that question now, by the way; he'll likey say yes so that he has your permission to do the same.)

    Marriage means forsaking all others. You both committed to that. If he wants others, then he can be free to do so - by nullifying the marriage.

    Don't be afraid to leave a marriage that's going to be a sham if you give him what it takes to keep married.  Once you're at that point, the marriage's beating heart has already died anyway.  Having a shell of a marriage isn't worth a hill of beans.

    Kel

    Last edited by Kel (April 24, 2017 5:50 pm)

    You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.
     

    April 24, 2017 9:30 pm  #4

    Rob
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    Re: Is anyone here with a Bi-spouse who's willing to let them experiment

    Lostgirl,

    What would we do for our spouses because we love them.    I don't think when we made our marriage vows it included letting them visit gay bars..     I can see how these selfish spouses tell us its ok or normal...but it is not.     It demeans and puts us so low.    I can only admire your strength and understanding but you may find , as your posting here,  that your body may give you anxiety and shakes 
    when he is a that gay bar.    You may find your body telling you what your mind doesn't want to...that he wants to cheat on you with a man.

    So  sorry.    Gather strength..   Sadly you can tell him you're not ok with it but it is too late..  The cat is our of the bag..  You'll be forever wondering if he meets a friend for a beer whether it is a date or in a gay bar.  You said yourself you worry now one day he'll just want men.,
    Its a demeaning and terrible way to live.   It is not love.    

    You are worth so much more and don't deserve this.      

    "For we walk by faith, not by sight .."  2Corinthians 5:7
     

    May 1, 2017 5:20 pm  #5

    Shari
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    Re: Is anyone here with a Bi-spouse who's willing to let them experiment

    Hi.  There are some groups that specialize in making it work.  I'm sure you would find them helpful.  Yahoo group Making Mixed Marriages Work is a good place to start.  Good luck

     

     

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