I just had the baby we tried for two years to have 5 months ago. This is truly heartbreaking-I have kept this to myself for the past 9 months. I have recently moved in with my mother (with my two kids). I feel the marrige is over, yet he swears he is straight and wants it to work. I Am starting therapy this week and am looking for more input if there is any because my head is just so clouded. I have been with my husband for 4 years, married a little over a year. I was a single (divorced) mom and he was as a single dad. We got along great and he helped me a lot with my 9 year old son. The sex was awesome in the beginning. I ended up getting pregnant about 4 months in by accident. He moved in and didn't have a full time job but was always loooking for one. I lost the baby and was devastated. We tried for two years (had no doubt he was the one because he acted that way/said it) to get pregnant. Sex after the first 5 months was ALWAYS me initiating. I love sex and I loved it with him. I would be happy with sex every day-I'm never too tired to have sex or give head-just the way I am. Sex came less and less-he was tired/in pain/not feeling well. When we had it it was fine, but not very passionate. I thought it was because I was putting a lot of pressure on him for the baby, so I tried to make it fun. He would still rather fight about having sex than just fucking me. I cried so many times next to him while he was mad at me for wanting sex when his back hurt. He was on antidepressants and Vicodin for his back. When I went to a fertility specialist after a year of no luck-I tested normal. I asked her about the Vicodin and she said it can cause low libido and lower his sperm count. He got off the Vicodin and I was pregnant right away. I really didn't think anything was going on with anyone else because he was just so loving and great with my son as well as his. Last May when I was 4 months pregnant I asked to use his phone and he had no problem giving it to me because mine died (probably forgetting that he didn't delete something). I opened safari on a complete accident right in front of him looking something up. A Craigslist add with a pic of a penis in casual encounters showed up (not his). He lied and lied saying someone pranked him, then said that he was raped and looking at penises is how he deals with it. I said-try again-your talking to people this is Craigslist. He said he talked to them and was angry at them because he couldn't talk to his abuser. He SWORE he never met anyone and that it wasn't sexual. A few weeks later he was at work and I had his phone. I decided to search his email with certain words (even if they are deleted certain words will make the emails pop up. I just knew he was hiding way more than he was trelling me. And he was-he met everyone he talked to - asking for head, trans women he loved but mostly men-asked to meet men for threesomes sent pics asked men pic for pic, said he was bi curios, said he was into everything.... he is in intense therapy claiming it is not his sexuality but it is becasue of the rape. He WILL NOT have anything to do with sex right now because he says he doesn't want it. He swore he would never do it again. I am at a loss-if he is traumatized and lying to himself... that's what he says is going on. He just finished 2 weeks in intense therapy for ptsd (the rape was his focus). He has been extremely mean since I moved in with my mom. can someone please help me out a bit? I'm so heartbroken and confused.I would like to add that he has met someone at least once a weeks the whole time we were together (supposedly until I found out) and I found tons more from before we were together. And there were a TON of times we had sex and he couldn't cum.