OurPath Open Forum
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1 of 1- Jesse's Girl
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I am losing my mind...
It's been 5 weeks since my husband came out to me and said he wanted a divorce. I can't function. I can't make it more than a couple of hours without crying. I just don't know what to do. My entire life has been turned upside down. Not only is my marriage over but now I must find a job and figure out how to support myself and my son. It's been 10 years since I've worked and I'm terrified. I can't breathe. Someone please tell me this part of my journey will be over soon. I don't think I can take much more.
- Daryl
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Re: I am losing my mind...
Is this not also his son? If so he has his obligations. If you had to stay at home that may also entitle you to some form of compensation for a period of time. Get professional legal advice, even if it's just a initial free consultation. No one gets to just walk away like nothing happened.
Take care. Don't look at the jigsaw puzzle like you have to finish it in one go. One piece at a time....
“The future is unwritten.”
― Joe Strummer
- lily
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Re: I am losing my mind...
You are facing a tsunami of change and trauma, it's not going to get better overnight. But every day you manage to breathe through is taking you one step towards better and you are gathering strength to face the challenges in front of you. I wish it could be easier.
The main thing in front of you now is the financial settlement with your husband. Do you have any family or friends that can be a support for you and that you could talk to about the financial aspect of divorcing - go for every cent you can get and I mean that, do not be nice for one moment you will only regret it, fair is fine but make sure you get all you are entitled to.
hugs
Last edited by lily (April 21, 2017 6:30 pm)
- Rob
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Re: I am losing my mind...
JessesGirl,
You are in shock. You need help. Take it one day at a time. Maybe today you do absolutely nothing but cry.. But tomorrow you open a checking account. One day you go for a walk and cry. Another day you make an appointment with your priest or pastor. As much as you can bear. Reach out to a local SSN network for help processing. Do a little thing each day. Cry ..Crying is ok. It mean we are authentic and feel.
Daryl is right...nobody gets to walk away. Your gay husband may think in his head what he wants but he is in for big surprise. He may think he's entitled to house or the car etc. But he is also entitled to half of the debt. Also , and I may sound biased but as the mother, in my state where I live, things are in your favor in terms of child custody and parenting time. Start looking for a lawyer when you able. It is an emergency and you call the appropriate people is such circumstances.
How long does it take to be over? It can all be done quickly if you and your husband can agree on a settlement. In my case my ex would not agree to anything....we then spent over a year as she learned how a divorce worked. It seemed it could go on forever but in reality the courts want it gone...they told us to settle or set a trial date.
Find time for yourself.. and do at least one small thing for yourself each day. Even if its just watch your favorite TV show.. Have compassion for yourself. Be stoic and hang in there.. your kid is going to need a parent that puts him/her first. That is not disloyal and lies.
There is an end. It may be unknown and unseen but there is an end.. This is a finite season in your life.
A season you must go through. We're with you. God is with you. You are not alone.
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- Foolme
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Re: I am losing my mind...
Jesse's Girl, 5 weeks is a relatively short space of time, don't be too hard on yourself, don't expect too much too soon, you're still in the shock phase. It will get easier but it'll take time. You may be noticing a huge difference in your husband's behaviour, a person you feel you never knew. Getting legal advice is very important, being kind to yourself is also important, finding someone to confide in is also very beneficial, if you haven't done this already. Allow yourself to grieve, that's completely normal and will benefit you in the long run. If soaking in a bath is your thing do it, frequently, if getting a massage or mani & pedi is, do it, make sure to give yourself little breaks from the heartache and trauma of it all. Take it hour by hour, day by day and week on week you'll feel a little stronger and less numb.
Sometimes we are just the collateral damage in someone else's war against themselves
- Demons-halo
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Re: I am losing my mind...
Stay strong. I just started posting today and I feel a lot like you. Take comfort in you are not alone here. That's the best I can offer right now. Hope it helps.