Kel you're right... it's more confusing and challenging when there is affection or things are like they always were.
He is most likely opening a hotel/restaurant and we discussed again last night that it might work well for him to just stay in one of the rooms several nights a week. That said, he will need to come home and relieve me of my parental responsibilities at least 1-2 nights a week.  The younger two kids are 12 and 15 so they can be alone some but not overnight. 
I do want a formal separation agreement in place (we would have to draw it up as there's no such thing in this state) where we are free to do as we wish.  I decided I don't want to fully divorce till our third child goes to college in August ot 2019. He's very sensitive and has anxiety. The youngest will be fine.  She's tough and sassy and is more attached to me. 

Ugghhhh. This is so hard.

Where I live in Canada you need to be separated for at least a year before filing for a fairly typical no-fault type Divorce. Exceptions are allowed for extreme situations. The Separation Agreement is evaluated by the Judge before granting the Divorce decree to see if it is fair, balanced and takes care of children appropriately. It usually defines the marital assets and liabilities and how they are to be distributed, including property. Child custody arrangements, visitation, payments and so on. If both parties and their lawyers can negotiate this in advance it saves court time for all concerned.

I do agree with Rob that you need something drawn up. If he is opening a business you want to make sure that your home can't get lost if it fails or find out later that you share the liability. On the other hand if shared marital property is financing the business, it should be like an investment that you can sell your share back to him. Child custody is important as is the power of attorney for them. Who makes important medical decisions on their behalf. Where do they live. Can they move. How far away. Out of State or Country vacations. You need a firm 2.5 year plan that defines the rules going forward. Something a lawyer can approve of as a preliminary step towards the eventual goal.

I agree that something formal needs to be put in place.  Where I live, there is a mandatory 6-month separation necessary before a divorce (exceptions can be made in extreme circumstances).  But this ties a nice loop around that - a legal separation definitely establishes that it's happened.  It also protects you in many ways moving forward - from accumulating debts to the business venture that your husband is embarking upon.  You should ask your lawyer about different possibilities before deciding since the business has both liabilities and benefits to you, depending on how it goes.

There should definitely be a child agreement put into place.  Try not to get too hung up on the specifics, but look at the bigger picture.  You can hammer out working details later, as time goes on and the situation changes.

I know you said that you wanted to wait until after your son graduated from H.S.  Only you know what's best for your family and their personalities and your situation.  However, consider that having your child leave home and then having his home environment change while he can't see it may make him feel as though his home base no longer exists.  It truly might be easier for him to go through this now vs. later.  This is especially true if your husband remaining in the house is more stressful to your child than him leaving.  It could actually be a relief.  We parents often assume that we know how our kids are going to feel/react to things, and I'm often dead wrong.  Find a way to gauge your children's feelings without it being too intrusive or scary for them.  Just start a conversation about how their dad makes them feel, or how they feel when he's not home vs. when he is, etc.  You may be very surprised at what you hear.

Kel

Lisa4kids wrote:

Knowing his personality I believe we need to slowly transition towards the goal.

Lisa, what does this mean?  What is his personality, and why is it better to transition slowly?

Kel
 

You may want to check with an attorney on the LLC.  I own one (single member) and it only protects me from liability on the business, not poor financial decisions or business plans. You are still responsible personally and equally for debts incurred.   If he is unstable, why put yourself and your finances and kids at risk financially by pouring money into his dream?  Haven't you already poured enough into him without benefit for yourself?  If staying with him until the kids are in college is the idea, hopefully there is a solid plan to fund college plans aside from this new business venture.  
Sorry if it appears harsh but it's like watching a trainwreck about to happen.