This part of the equation was the most difficult for me to handle.  As a practical person, how do you get around an obstacle that you can't see clear of?  I'm not the "It'll be okay" type, although it DOES seem to be true, over time.

Let me just say that without visiting a lawyer and getting some knowledge transfer on how your state's divorce laws work, you WILL be scared.  They should be able to tell you what percentage of your ex's paycheck you can expect to come toward the kids for child support.  It's usually a set amount per kid (the first kid is like 25%, with a second kid being an additional 4% or something like that).  If you are familiar with your Soon To Be Ex's paycheck, you should be able to figure this out.  Plus you can likely expect him to pay for half of the kids' medical insurance premium, as well as 50% of any out-of-pocket costs.  Half of all school costs (including supplies), extracurricular activities, clubs, lessons, etc.  On top of that, your lawyer can tell you what you can expect in the way of spousal support, and for how long.  This knowledge can go a LONG way toward creating some ease.  Until you have some hard numbers in your hand, REFUSE to freak out.  Tell yourself you can freak out later if you want, but don't borrow those problems from tomorrow.

I feel that a lot of divorcing people (no matter what situation) really freak out because their lifestyle will be compromised, and that makes them be very fearful.  But sometimes what that means is that you don't get to live in the same house as you're in now.  I KNOW that seems paramount right now - your life is already changing so much, and you want your kids life affected as LITTLE as possible.  But know deep in your heart that your kids will be happy if they are with you.  YOU are their home.  If the kids are the same sex, they can share a room - even if they never have before.  Bunk beds, baby.  You could even do that for a few years if the kids aren't the same sex, but are still very young.  It works.  It's not ideal, but so what?!?  You will be able to feed and clothe your kids, and provide a roof over their heads.  Even if the roof is a 2-bedroom apartment.  It is what you make it.  The love will be there, and they will have their needs met.  They will be happy, and so will you.  You don't have to stay there forever.  You just have to get a start, and then the path leads upward, just like it always has.  Your children do not 'NEED" to live in the home of their childhood.  We all know people who have, and people who moved around constantly.  And you know what?  You can't tell them apart as adults.  It's not what defines us.  LOVE is what defines us.  Acceptance and love and care.  And your kids will have that, hon.

IF you need additional help beyond what you are given in support, there are ways for you to get it.  If you get on public assistance, your child support and spousal support does NOT count toward "income".  You don't claim it.  Which means that you can get food stamps and free school tuition (at public schools that have extra costs associated with textbook fees, etc.), free school lunches, the whole 9 yards.  Your kids will NOT go hungry if you have a brain and the wherewithal to seek out what you're entitled to until you can get to a better place, financially.  this all sounds so scary and foreign, I know.  But just know that it can and will work.

Get thee to a lawyer so you can have some details about your future finances.  And then you can start putting a plan into place.  It's going to work out, hon.  The fact that your STBX is saying that is good - he likely knows that his income can be split and still have enough for you all to survive on.  Just breathe.  Do some homework, immerse yourself in the big picture at this point, not the minute details.  Otherwise you'll get too scared.

Kel

I totally agree with Wendy about your anger being a tool to help you move past your fear.  You don't want to stay angry forever, but it has it's purpose, and it's life cycle.  Use it to your advantage.  Any time I have gotten (or get) overwhelmed by an issue being created by someone else, I use that anger.  This thing will NOT be bigger than me - than what I have.  As my husband often says to me, "You have what it takes.  But it's going to take everything you've got".

Kel

Ditto to those who say use the anger. It's a great energizer, once you know what you want. I used it to divide up all our stuff, downsize and sell our house, and to move myself almost single handedly. I used it to make all the decisions and make things happen, I even used it to visualize the new life I wanted. I wasn't familiar with anger, never allowed to express it before, but I expressed it and I used it plenty. Harness it, don't let it rule you. And then (later) work to heal and release that anger so you don't stay stuck in it forever.

Those cycling emotions made me feel very unbalanced and off key, but they are totally normal! They will settle down eventually. Anger, as others have mentioned, is actually helpful, if you can keep the rage under control. And don't even talk to your husband about your future. Talk to him only about what is absolutely necessary. Talk to your lawyer, friends, family, and the support forum instead.