Checking in with you NHdad. 

How are you doing?  We're thinking about you and hoping and praying you are doing ok.  Let us know if we can help. 

I'm doing ok.
Dealing with the reality is tough.
We had the talk about what divorce will look like today.
Thankfully she wants to keep the lawyers out and doesn't want to uproot my son from his home.
I will be staying, she's moving out. It might be a little while though, it's tough on her too.

My pain is constant but I had a good weekend with my son.
Went skiing Saturday and him and I went to church Sunday and just hung out together.

I haven't been to church in a while but the sermon couldn't have been more spot on.


It started about planting the seed of love in our hearts. And if our soil is hardened or full of rocks love cannot grow.
Then he went on about our own stuff ( ie the rocks in our garden ) that's holding us back. And we need to let God take the burden of our 'stuff'.
And we need to forgive ourselves first to learn to forgive others.

Yea, I cried like a baby.

Thanks everyone, it means alot.

Tough day today.
With a mild sleep aid I was able to get decent sleep over the weekend.
That and being active and relying less on Alcohol to calm the nerves worked well.

Then last night about 1.5 Margarita's in I started getting Agitated and I stopped drinking but it already started snowballing my night.
My Anxiety was peaked and ended up with about 1.5 hours sleep last night.

What made it worse is that my "wife" feel asleep easily.





 

Last edited by NHdad (April 4, 2017 8:10 am)

yeah NHDad,    Don't feel ashamed to seek help in the form of anti-depressants , sleep aid..  something to calm the nerves.  It is an emergency;  in an emergency you call for help.

It may take an army of a support system for yourself;  therapist, psychiatrist,  lawyer, priest/pastor, friends, family.

A drink to relax is fine but if one does not help 2 or 3 usually will not.    It is real physical trauma we are experiencing and we need help.   Yes it is horrifying we're shaking with trauma and they are sleeping without a care ... this is them showing their true colors.   horrifying.   Don't despair.. get professional help.


 

Lack of sleep was a real killer for me. I too had the aid of sleeping pills for awhile but didn't want to get addicted so kept them for weekends to really catch up on sleep. For a time I used to wake up between 1 and 2am and be awake for the rest of the night, this went on for weeks, months even, then it went to between 3 & 4am, again this went on for weeks/months. I read somewhere (can't find it now of course!) where it explained why you wake between different hours (between certain times indicated hurt, another time slot indicated anger), it was very interesting and actually read accurately for what I was feeling at that time. Thankfully now I'm sleeping a little better, long may it last, we really can't function effectively on little, none or bad sleep. I went from sleeping pills to Melatonin too, found it good also.

Looking back I don't know how these spouses slept at all, mine had no problem, was asleep before his head hit the pillow and was well able to sleep on at weekends. He often sweated a lot from his head, the pillow would be drenched and had to be changed much more often than mine, I used to have two pillow protectors and sometimes two pillow cases on it. It came out later that he'd often wake drenched after having a nightmare his secret had been exposed! I'd used to change his pillow for him, in the last few years if he commented on his pillow case needing changing I'd just say you know where they're kept (now I'm sorry I didn't say this years ago).

I kinda went off on a side bar there!! I've tried mindfulness but couldn't quiet my mind enough to really get into it, maybe now I'd be more open to it.

maresyd I like the idea of ocean music, might look into that. Doesn't sound silly at all, the ocean is incredibly soothing. I think we'd all agree whatever works works, we'd be open to trying anything to get a good night's sleep!