Foolme,

I just read your story, welcome to the club that none of us ever envisioned, but here we are. I am stunned at parts and phrases, I could have written much of it myself, right down to comments your kids have said , as well as your Styx. Jk is right, what a brave young man, and how awful for him. My daughter found out in a similar way, but she was much younger and had no idea what she was looking at, and kept that secret, along with several more, until after he left and she finally felt safe and told me. Our kids suffer greatly from their pathetic attempts to live their double life and keep their secret. You will get through this, and because your kids are older will have the best gift of all, no contact, that's when I truly got off the hamster wheel and started healing.

Hi all, I feel now I've missed out by not posting on this thread for  me - to be honest when I get the time to log on I'm busy trying to catch up on other threads I kinda forget about myself (I'm blown away by the amazing support on here and love to try and keep on top of the latest posts - especially in Sean's thread).

I still have good and bad days (17 months post TGT), still find I'm waking at 4am-ish a lot of nights and sleep doesn't seem to come back easy when that happens - I had a great night's sleep last night which I'm grateful for, they're few and far between.

I'm waiting patiently for my divorce date, should hear any day now I'm told, but I've been hearing that for months now.

Next week marks what would have been my 30th wedding anniversary - my feelings on that are boy am I glad I'm in the light now and not still blindly fumbling around in his lies and deceit - I genuinely say to people when they express how horrendous this situation is, it could be worse, I could still be in the situation of being made a fool of.

I'm meeting up with my ex sister in law tomorrow - she's flying in today and meeting my son tonight (this is the first time any of that side of the family have reached out to meet him alone since he was subjected to outing his father - this I am greatly angered about, I get I'm not blood but for God's sake my three children are blood to them and it's taken 17 months - no phone calls, nothing. My son has seen his grandmother three times since TGT and all she's managed to say to him is he did his father a favour, NOTHING about what his father did to him, no questions about how he is, nothing, NADA and she's all about family and says she's "honest about my children") Sorry rant over. My son is very pragmatic about that side of the family - he says he sees them as distant people who happen to be related to him and have no significance in his life - that's very sad though as I always embraced them as family. We'll see how this evening goes for him and tomorrow for me.

JKpeace you're right, distant works best for him for now - he's very grounded but has his own inner struggles with all that's happened - it'll be interesting to see how my ex sis in law relates to him!

JJ1966 - haven't we all been on that roller coaster ride LOL - and I thought I'd given up on roller coasters a long time ago!  I can see where you're coming from that in time he may abandon my daughter, you're not the first to suggest that to me. Yes they know for sure I'll always be there for them, even though we're in far flung places. From time to time it really feels like I've raised my family, I've done the dutiful mother/wife thing and I'm the only one left here in the ashes. How are your children coping with TGT?

Isn't hindsight remarkable!! I can see some things so clearly now that I know the truth, how I'd have handled things so differently had I been respected enough to be told the truth!