Catherine, I am sending you a huge hug.  You are beautiful, courageous and strong.  You have everything you need inside you to complete this journey you suddenly found yourself taking.  First, know that your reactions are normal and healthy.  Shock, grief, rage, they are normal.  Let yourself feel them, let them process normally so you can keep moving forward.  Gay individuals who marry straight people commit one of the most heinous acts of cruelty and abuse.  This is not your fault in any way.  They chose to conceal what they were and marry you.  I was married for 27 years.  For the last five years of that marriage, I thought I could save it (wishful thinking on my part).  Today, I am wiser.  Your number one priority is taking care of yourself.  See your doctor and get checked for every STD known to man and beast.  Hire the best attorney you can afford.  Make copies of all financial documents (last three years minimum), insurance policies, wills, etc.  Create a "safe zone" for yourself.  If possible, live in another location (I realize this is not always possible).  If you have to share a house, get a locksmith in to put a lockable door knob on a bedroom door - create you place that he cannot enter.  This gives you a private place to think and work on what needs to be done.  It also gently begins the separating process in your mind.  Know you are an individual worthy of respect, honesty, care and love. If it helps, journal as often as you can, get every thought, emotion or fear out.  Later, you can reflect on your writings, you will see progress as you look back on them!  If you have children, be as open with them as is appropriate.  While I know you are really hurting right now, this does get better.  Eventually you will see that a better, more honest and vibrant life waits for you.  Hugs!

Helping them through their journey is like securing their oxygen mask before putting yours on....and then forgetting to.  
I am a good and loving person.  I do feel and did feel sad for him that he had to hide who he was.  I loved him.  But his baggage was not mine to unpack, especially when I planned on spending my life with him as my partner.  I went into a relationship baggage free, and ended up with a U-Haul full of bags that I'm still unpacking and giving away, years later. 
He leaned on me, even after all of the pain he caused, after I moved out, after I didn't plaster his "secret" all over town, by calling me each time he came out to a family member, a mutual friend, etc.  He said he wanted me to be proud of him.  I had to block his calls, messages, emails.  It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do, because I wanted to be my loving self.  But it destroyed me, and he had no worry or concern about that.  Only for himself.  
I actually used my sadness for good, and ended up volunteering at a LGBT center for teens who ran away or were kicked out of their homes for who they were.  I figured if he had that luxury of being able to live his life happy, I could know that I supported a kid for feeling the way they did and discouraged them from hiding, so that they would never marry someone and cause pain.   
Years later, I was in contact with he and his partner, thinking it would make me at peace to be their "friend".  While I wish no ill on them and hope they stay married, I noticed he carried his same awful traits into their relationship, the only exception was that he was now out (well, sort of).  I went to his mother's funeral alone, faced my old family who had no idea why I left, hugged them, laughed with them, and we all healed.  I politely declined further requests to have dinner, coffee, attend the kids events.  It felt great to know I was loved and missed by them.  It felt great to be able to hug him, his partner, and his family for the last time, and realize that I'd stay true to who I was throughout.  And then I said goodbye.  I haven't looked back.  There are and will be times when our paths cross again, and I'll be fine.  And that?  Feels incredibly fantastic. 

As much as my family and friends offer help, advice or even an ear for listening, they truly just don't get it. Honestly I felt this exact same way as a child after the loss of my parents.  There was no one dealing with the same or similar situation
Speaking my peace here has helped tremendously.  I was starting to feel very isolated and alone. You've all given me a sense of control that I thought I had lost.  I definitely have a clearer understanding of what I will be dealing with as I move forward. 
Thank you to all.  I'm sure I'll continue to post in the coming weeks and months.  I'm just so very thankful that I have a place to vent.

First off a big thank to each and everyone one of you for responding.

A little update and asking for advice...

I started seeing a counselor four weeks ago.  She has helped me tremendously throughout this process.  I have a long way to go. 

My husband and I are still living under the same roof.  We are putting our house on the market soon.  It has been a really struggle living with him because all I want now is freedom from him and peace of mind.  I stay in the situation for our daughter's sake.  I will not leave her here and he won't move out.  I'm biding my time in order to get our daughter closer to the end of the school year.  I have found a new home but it won't be ready until May.  May is a long way off when you are living in hell.

In the beginning of this situation my husband was rushing everything from selling the house to pushing divorce paperwork.  To get him to slow down for our daughter's sake, I allowed him to go out to the gay bar his creepo counselor suggested .  Of course, he met someone and has spent the last five Saturday nights into Sunday mornings with this person.  I've  had to cover for him when it comes to our daughter.  She wonders why dad is always gone every Saturday night.  She doesn't know he is not returning until the next day.  The whole situation has been a nightmare in itself.  But I have no one to blame here but myself.  I allowed it because I wanted to get my daughter through her school year. 

Our daughter doesn't know what I like to refer to as part two.  Part one is the divorce and selling of the house.  Part two is him being bisexual...well, truly him being gay.  He likes to label himself as being bisexual but in reality he plans on being with another man in the long run which to me means you are gay.  When do we tell her part two?  She acts as though nothing is bothering her but I know better.  Recently I discovered a text message between her and a boy in which she revealed she has tried self harming.  I'm trying to get her into counseling but she refuses to go.  She doesn't know that I have discovered this text message.  A little background info - she has always struggled with eating...from birth.  It has always been a battle to get her to eat.  Before any of this happened I had been working with her pediatrician about this very issue.  Now I'm extremely concerned for when part two is revealed.  Any advice would be helpful. 

I still struggle daily between anger and sadness.  Anger for the lies and betrayal.  Sadness from mourning the loss of my marriage. 

Somehow I feel a kinship to people on this board.  It's a club that we all belong to but never really wanted a membership to. 

I look forward to the day when I get to truly make my own decisions.  He made the decision to lie for 27 years so he could have the family he wanted.  He made the decision to come out of the closet.  He made the decision to end our marriage and destroy our child.  It's always his decisions and now I want control back of my life.

Catherine,

So sorry about your kid...see if you can get her some help.   Be the same person you always were..they need that stability in their life  ( I know you wont be going out to gay bars). 

May is not far off..  your hell will not last forever.   There is an end.    Make your plans and detach ..try not to think about what he is doing an how horrible it is.

No contact is best if you can manage it.   Forward, always forward.

a warm e-hug