Hi Jk,

This is a really good thing!  I didn't have this, although my ex was more agreeable than most when it came to what I needed.  This is a journey, and hopefully, you're taking your journey with a soon-to-be-ex partner who turned out to see the error of his ways and honor the love he originally had for you and his children.  It's no guarantee that he'll continue to do that, as you well know.  But it's a great start.  It's much easier to be decent back to someone who's being decent to you.  Just keep your eyes open so you can see the things that may slip or areas where he may start to feel differently about.

In the beginning of my divorce (just like so many others everywhere - gay or not), we followed the custody agreement to the letter.  Later, over time, things began to ebb and flow more and we each gave and took when we needed to.  When things start to get too far off-center, go back and adhere to the agreement again.  It works.  It's a great baseline for you to work from.

Best of luck as you proceed. 

Kel

jkpeace, 

We didn't have kids, but I tried the friends thing.  In the end, there was love there.  We text each other Happy Birthday, Merry Christmas...some days.  We've seen each other several times over the years, not necessarily by choice.  And it's fine.  And we laugh about our old days together, since most of our friends know now the real story.  People ask me privately how I can look at him, be with him or his partner in the same room, how I don't want to kick him in the face.  But that's not me.  It never has been.  He knows who he is, and who I am.  He knows what I am not, and I know who he is not.  He is now just a part of my past that I don't hate, sometimes am sad about, angry about, and happy about.  We don't regularly communicate and I don't feel the need to keep him in the loop about my life, and he doesn't ask.   So it is ok, and it can be ok, and you'll both find your way.  The hardest thing to do, for me, was let go of the iron cloak I wore of his issues, and to unpack his baggage, and leave the suitcase behind.   It then was so much easier to see him for everything he was and wasn't, and just forgive the past.  

Be proud of who you are as a mom, as a former spouse, and as a friend.  You are a gem.  

Hugs, M

Missy Moo, build your support fortress.  That won't include his family.  You were so brave to attend that wedding!  For what it's worth, no one in his family ( or anywhere else for that matter) has the right to tell you that you are acting as if you are perfect.   True, he can't help who he is, but he is in control of the level of ridiculousness and behavior towards you.  The truth is, he probably doesn't realize it.  When someone is so wrapped up in themselves, it's second nature to put anything that isn't totally about them aside...including other people's needs, wants, and feelings.  
You have no obligation to shut up; you are NOT rocking the boat.  You can scream from the rooftops if you want, but he and his family might not hear you or might not want to.  That's not the greatest support system for you.  
Keep focused on YOU and what you need right now.  This is not about you, I'm reading what your MIL said in her contradictory comment--you allowed it, but he can't help who he is...her poor boy.  WHATEVER.  

Perhaps one day you can be friends.  Now is not the time, as it's the shock and hurt of watching his pride and you being left aside like a piece of dung that hurts the most.  Move forward and away. 

Keep posting, we are all here for you. 

Hugs to you. 
M

Hi JK

It's an interesting question.  I have read stories of people who have done this and managed to have a supposedly amazing relationship with their ex.  I don't think this will be me though. I have a contribution but I wouid say it's mostly because my ex refuses to acknowledge who she is and the degree of betrayl.  Maybe when the kids are older etc it might be possible but I doubt it.
I struggle at the moment with what a family msans for the  kids - two separate existences with very minimal contact seems schizophrenic. But I don't see an alternative. Mine are young so it's a little different.