OurPath Open Forum
This forum is for discussion of issues related to Mixed Orientation relationships only, that is when one partner is heterosexual (straight) and one is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning.
If this does not apply to your topic, please find another forum.
* Opinions posted here, including that of the Administrator, are the poster's own and do not necessarily reflect the views or policies of OurPath.
* As a peer-to-peer network, any advice given is that of a peer, based on personal experience, and should not be considered professional in nature.
* Any discussion of LGBT related issues is acceptable provided it remains constructive and respectful of other viewpoints. Hateful, degrading, or prejudiced speech and/or personal attacks will not be tolerated.
NOTE: Due to recurring spam abuse, you must register to post.
1 of 1- maresyd
- Member
Offline 
Looking Forward: Reflections on the meaning of letting go
I am sitting here working and had the TV on in the background to stimulate my brain into getting done what I needed to this evening. But on the TV is a movie I completely forgot about, The Descendants.
It occurred to me that when I first saw this movie I burst into uncontrollable sobs, because the premise of the movie reminded me what I never got to do, and what most of you are likely struggling with now. So, I had to do it for myself, really let go...of the anger, of the sadness, of the madness of wanting to save something that might not have been there in the first place. Every time I see this movie, I am reminded of that time in my life when letting go of everything was such a challenge while trying to live my life. This will make more sense to you, the parallels, when you see the film.
For those of you that haven't seen it, watch it. For those of you that have, I wonder if you thought of all of the people on these boards, and how many of us feel forgotten and tossed aside by our spouses, without any true outlet to say goodbye to our old lives, our old loves, and what was weaved into us as being our future.
Anyway, a good thing that came out of me watching was to immediately hop on the boards and send out warm hugs to all of you struggling tonight. It DOES get better. You CAN heal. You CAN let go. And when you do, you'll look back and be so proud of your own strength.
M
Last edited by phoenix (June 19, 2017 12:23 pm)
“Above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely of places.”
- OutofHisCloset
- Member
Offline
Re: Looking Forward: Reflections on the meaning of letting go
I really appreciate that M. This morning I had a conversation with my mother, the first, in which I told her face to face (over the phone, that is) that I was planning a divorce from my husband. In order to leave him I have been letting go, and am going to have to let go of so much else, and that conversation with my mother was one of the steps in letting go--of the illusion that my 35 year old marriage meant we had a stable and good marriage.
- OutofHisCloset
- Member
Offline
Re: Looking Forward: Reflections on the meaning of letting go
I don't know if this is a reflection on the meaning of letting go, or just a step in doing that. I started seeing a therapist this week, and afterwards, when I told my husband that I had scored at the very tip top of the anxiety scorecard the therapist asked me to fill out, he said, "Is there anything I can do?" I almost laughed in his face--is there anything he can do? when he's the source of my anxiety? The cross dressing, the feminizing, the caricature of woman, the refusal to tell me what he's thinking, feeling, or planning?
But I'm trying to disengage, to learn to detach. So I deflected. I said, oh, how about flowers, chocolate, wine, and a beach house? And unbelievably, he showed up last night with the first three of those. Listen, people, this is the first time in 35 years he's brought me flowers; no spontaneous gestures of affection or caring EVER.
All I could think of was Sean's repeated list of how the the in denial spouse (although mine is a cross dressing closeted autogynephile, not a GID spouse) will act: rejection followed by wooing. And I thought: he's wooing me. He wants to make sure I don't leave, that I don't out him and keep doing for him. And I wasn't drawn in.
So I guess that's part of letting go. Letting go of the illusions, and letting go of the pattern of thinking, oh, maybe he's changed, maybe we can work this out, maybe we have a future together.
So I put the flowers in a vase, and we drank the wine, and ate the chocolate (and boy do I wish he'd given me the beach house!). But I'm not seeing it as anything other than what it was, despite the nagging little voices in my psyche that say, wow, aren't you a cynical person, to discount this genuine gesture of caring! All I have to do is to recall the incidents that tell me the truth.
Letting go of illusions, letting go of the patterns of excusing his behavior, letting go of my own self-destructive thoughts.
- phoenix
- Administrator
Offline
Re: Looking Forward: Reflections on the meaning of letting go
I've seen this movie, but it was before TGT. I will watch it again one of these days and see how it speaks to me now. Thanks for the idea Mare
-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular.