darryl, first off, I mean no disrespect to MEN in general, certainly not the hurting men here. You know what I mean about not trusting. And yes, I suppose he was always like that to some extent, but I do believe thru experience, research & therapy that he/they BECOME this way thru their own development & acceleration of their addictions & obsessions. Like other addicts, they become dark, lost, selfish etc not necessarily that they were always like that. And thank you for the links!! I've just started on them and they are so bang on & enlightening!

Retired: If you google "Keylogger Programs" you will find what ever you may need. I personally just reviewed History & Favorites stored on the pc. I believe he has actually installed surveillance in my HOME!!!! I just know, based on his mood changes making an about face, paypal account history & timeline & how bloody desperate he would have been when he realized his 'Do whatever the fuck I want on her watch" time was ending. I also was petrified all these years about finances, since he's the powerhouse in terms of income . But I first came to realize I'd rather be dead or living with relatives selling fries than spend the rest of my life in a loveless, cruel, unauthentic marriage. Also, I'd really like to have sex again before I die!  Next, I got myself to a lawyer. Me & the kids will be okay. I will get a roommate (or 2) to help with bills before everything is sorted out & probably thereafter to help with retirement. This may be something you could look at as well. Do u have anyway of putting in a suite(basement, backyard garage etc) to help with mortgage? Also, just because he's helped with reno's doesn't mean he's entiltled to more that 1/2, which could be totally wiped out in you owing HIM if he is having to pay spousal support. He can't have it both ways: not being responsible to you, while taking 1/2. I would really encourage you to look at your options, what is legally fair, what is emotionally & spiritually sound for you. You already know who he is, you don't need any advise & obviously there is no love or hope there, so get real, get some advice, kick his sorry ass out & get a roommate in his bedroom instead. Put yourself on the list, you are not helpless or homeless. We may need to make some adjustments in lifestyle, but it is so worth it to wake up not hating your life, your roommate, your home. You can do this, we're tough older-ish broads and have handled way more shit than some dick using us!! xxxx 

 

Trying to not use names, so I've used"my ex" or "her husband" sorry if confusing.  I'm wondering whether my ex is gay. His current wife also struggling with this. Here is the situation...He acts like he likes sex, and then once you're married it stops. His current wife says he has very low testosterone, for which he once took injections. They are currently in counseling and she texts me every so often, he is a sociopath, pathological liar...and she is struggling with all of that as she just figured it all out. (I'm not just saying that because he is my ex, lol.) Anyway, I told her about how after we divorced he moved out of state and hung around several gay men, which I thought was odd because he bashed homosexuals while we were married. I had heard rumors one of the guys lived with him for awhile, but told his current wife I had no idea. She dug more, and contacted the guy he supposedly lived with, which my ex denied. (She found his number still on his phone...and this was 5 years ago.) They spoke over the phone and he told her to ask her husband, so she explained that he lies and that is why she contacted him. He then asked to speak to her husband and she brought the phone to him and put it on speaker. The guy was gay and confirmed he stayed with my ex a few times. He told her nothing sexual happened, but he did crawl into bed with her husband after a party (they had lots of parties at his house he said). He said her husband turned him down and that was it. His current wife thinks that means everything is fine, I think it sounds very suspicious and that the guy may be covering for him. Why wouldn't he just answer the question rather than ask to speak to him? I think she is missing the context around the whole situation. Maybe it was totally innocent, idk. Looking for another opinion.

We have two kids together, almost grown now, been divorced 10 years. She texts me, and I respond I guess because I feel bad for her and know how it feels to realize you have been lied to. Sometimes I wonder why I do this, because she hasn't always been nice, but I just could relate to her. She first asked me to call this other guy, and I told her that was her job not mine. If you have ever dealt with a true sociopath, you probably understand it is hard to find many who can relate. I want to help, but maybe it's not right. It does kind of depress me and pull me back into that screwed up world. Maybe I should tell her I just can't talk to her about it. Idk. :/ I also have to admit this issue has always stuck in my head, so I am curious. I wasted my entire twenties before I figured out he is not attracted to women. But, I did always think he was asexual, not gay. Now, I'm thinking I was really naive.

Renea,   Why don't you give the information about this forum to his wife?  And then you can decide if the course of action that is healthiest for you is to get away from what his wife's problems have drawn you into.  

Renea77, you are asking if we think your ex is gay?   
I can't say for sure of course, but I think you've given some strong clues. 
1.) Both his ex (you) and his current wife think he is gay.   This is pretty damn sure because a woman's intuition about this is usually pretty accurate. 
2.) Sex going away after marraige..  Yep.. the typically GID man wants to get married to look straight.. but once married he doesn't want to have sex with the woman. 
3.) Pathological liar - This is basically the definition of a GID man. 
4.)  Where there is smoke, there is typically fire.  I'm a hetero man.. I can promise you that I would never crawl into bed with another man after a party.  It's programmed into our DNA to NOT do something like that.  

I think you are looking for someone to help corroborate your feelings on this.  If it helps..  I agree with you.  The information you gave makes me think he is gay.   But I'm not a professional, nor am I gay, so I can only go off of what you presented.. keep that in mind. 

Renea77 wrote:

Trying to not use names, so I've used"my ex" or "her husband" sorry if confusing. I'm wondering whether my ex is gay. His current wife also struggling with this. Here is the situation...He acts like he likes sex, and then once you're married it stops. His current wife says he has very low testosterone, for which he once took injections. They are currently in counseling and she texts me every so often, he is a sociopath, pathological liar...and she is struggling with all of that as she just figured it all out. (I'm not just saying that because he is my ex, lol.) Anyway, I told her about how after we divorced he moved out of state and hung around several gay men, which I thought was odd because he bashed homosexuals while we were married. I had heard rumors one of the guys lived with him for awhile, but told his current wife I had no idea. She dug more, and contacted the guy he supposedly lived with, which my ex denied. (She found his number still on his phone...and this was 5 years ago.) They spoke over the phone and he told her to ask her husband, so she explained that he lies and that is why she contacted him. He then asked to speak to her husband and she brought the phone to him and put it on speaker. The guy was gay and confirmed he stayed with my ex a few times. He told her nothing sexual happened, but he did crawl into bed with her husband after a party (they had lots of parties at his house he said). He said her husband turned him down and that was it. His current wife thinks that means everything is fine, I think it sounds very suspicious and that the guy may be covering for him. Why wouldn't he just answer the question rather than ask to speak to him? I think she is missing the context around the whole situation. Maybe it was totally innocent, idk. Looking for another opinion.