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1 of 1- larssongirl
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Coming to terms with it is like eating nails
I failed. Got high, accidentally told my SO about talking to my therapist about getting a way out.
Damn me. Damn it all!! I seriously doubt he will do anything. He is not acting heartbroken or anything like a normal person would had they just been told they were dumped like I just did to him.
Took it like a champ, told me he was in shock and went to bed. Now it's three in the morning and I am wondering how close I should keep a gun by my side right now.
I have very little put together as far as an escape plan goes. My sister is helping me get credit so I can have some cash for the hard times. Really worried about my dog though...where am I going to go?
What hurts the most is that I don't WANT to leave. This was supposed to be me starting over, starting fresh. Now all I can feel is anger, rage and despair. I don't know anyone in this city, and don't have that much money.
My plan was to ask my therapist for help, to see if there was anything she would recommend. I found some ghastly materials today, and I think it is enough to actually put him away for a long while. So I am terrified about that, but it also makes sense why he is terrified of cops.
Any suggestions? I don't have much money at all...enough to pay for a couple month's worth of car payments. I really only make about 300 a week if I am lucky.
- phoenix
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Re: Coming to terms with it is like eating nails
larssongirl,
It's time for a little tough love. Don't take this as anything but sincere and genuine support even if it isn't exactly what you want to hear right now.
First thing you need to do is realize you are in a crisis. Make sure you rid yourself of anything that will lead to poor judgments or unclear thinking and action. This means get rid of the drugs, alcohol or other stimulants. I know that they make you feel better temporarily so the desire to use will be very strong. But you have got to resist that urge. Don't even allow them in the house or car or anywhere near you so that you won't be likely to use them. You have to be thinking clearly at all times and not having your mental health impacted by outside stimulants.
Consider going to a Dr. and getting some prescription help. If you have trouble sleeping or are affected by anxiety attacks you can get meds to help take away those symptoms. The idea to try to get rid of anything that makes it hard to be at your best mentally and emotionally.
If you wonder for yourself how close you need to keep a gun while you sleep.. it's time to find a new place to sleep. Time to go sweetheart.. I know you don't want to drive back to Cali or go a shelter, but it is better than being in an abusive and dangerous place. Take some action TODAY.. don't wait for more courage or for things to get even worse.
Have you reached out to any local Str8 spouse people yet? I think you have some information already.. time to reach out. They may not be able to give you finances or a home.. but they can give you great advice and a hugs and support and the knowledge that you are not alone. Please do this!
I know Mary gave you some contact numbers for social services or shelters. Please make the phone call.. if nothing else, just to learn what options are available. Just calling doesn't mean you have to do anything. It just gives you information and some knowledge of what support is available.
I'm just an outside observer, but I hope you will take my advice. You are in a very dangerous situation and you need to take action NOW to change it. Start by reaching out for help and figure out how to quickly remove yourself from where you are living.
Last edited by lostdad (February 7, 2017 9:21 am)
-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular.
- Rob
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Re: Coming to terms with it is like eating nails
For once I don't know what to say.. LostDad summed it up well. You need a safe place to sleep. Whether it be another room or another place. If you have to sleep in the same room with him you need a lot strength and be secretly making an exit plan. You can't confide in him.. he is not your friend.. that was a hard thing for me to get through my head too. But I also know the fear.. Call the police if you have to..if anything physical happens.
If you have no where to go and he brings it up you can take back everything you said... lie. Whatever you have to do to survive.. just construct your exit plan and stick to it...like a gospel. Your physical fear is you body and mind telling you its time. That fear I believe it is..there are no take backs for him...no second chances... physical fear in a moral and fundamental violation. Do whatever you have to do... you are morally right and now own no guilt.
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- Dee
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Re: Coming to terms with it is like eating nails
Lostdad said it perfectly, do what you need to do to GET OUT! This guy is nothing but bad news, and use the resources you have, they will help you. You need to dig deep to stay the course , you don't owe him a thing.