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1 of 1- Jillian81
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Just found out completely destroyed
I found over 40 emails between my husband and other men explicit emails. They were in response to m4m ads and men responding to ones he apparently posted. With explicit photos taken in my home and responses that made it clear at least a few of them had been to my home. I am 37 weeks pregnant and have a 7 year old autistic son with him. When I had my son it was his demand I be a stay at home mom, I am also currently disabled due to being hit by a drunk driver so I have some income of my own but not much. I confronted him and he got angry and belligerent and blamed me but without admitting to or taking responsibility for what he's doing. He's lying saying he never met them they're only messages. I found his coworkers pants in my house last week leading me to believe this man that he's had around me and my son and introduced as a friend is more than a friend. He's threatening to make up lies and fabricate evidence of wrong doing on my part to have my children taken away if I tell anyone. I don't know what to do but I don't think I can continue having him in my home or around my kids I don't feel safe or that I can trust him. What do I say to my son? He heard us fighting about it. I feel lost and broken and confused. These emails go back three years I have to get tested on Tuesday I'm worried he might have something and it could affect my unborn child. Was my entire marriage a lie was he using me to hide his secret? I don't know what to think or do I'm just broken.
- lily
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Re: Just found out completely destroyed
Hi Jillian so sorry to hear, what a mess. this is really bad, hon. Have you got friends or family you can look to for support? A man who is getting belligerent with a heavily pregnant wife is not on. Can you talk to the doctor you are seeing?
No of course you can't trust him, you know he's lying to you and threatening you and you know he has been hiding his true self from you all along.
big hug. xox. look after yourself. I don't suppose you feel like it right now but you sound like a strong woman, and I think you'll be able to cope with the situation with time. wishing you all the best, Lily.
- maresyd
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Re: Just found out completely destroyed
Jillian81, I'm not sure where you live but absolutely there is help available for you. Immediately call your doctor and request an appointment with a referral to a social worker that can help you. Or, when you get tested on Tuesday, ask at that time. Usually the hospital (assuming that is where you will have your baby) has a staff social worker who can sit with you and review all available assistance for you (including SSI if you have a disability, even if temporary, and SSI for your son if he has been diagnosed). There are also many WIC programs available for you should you need them for the basics of food, clothing, etc. Call the Domestic Violence Hotline for assistance if you feel unsafe, and they can also refer you to many places that can assist you. This is a clear case of power and control and you have 2, even 3 if you count your son, ways more than most of us that he can exert physical power over you, not to mention the extreme emotional abuse. National Domestic Violence Line is 1-800-799-7233.
Do you have any sort of support system (friends, family) that can help and be on standby for you?
Keep posting here and let us know how you are doing.
“Above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely of places.”
- Rob
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Re: Just found out completely destroyed
Jillian,
So sorry... Your situation is one of living with a narcissist. This is not your fault. We love them but somehow they can live with a horrible secret hidden from us. It takes a special type of person. (an real ass is the words of some folks here).
I echo the other post to seek help where ever you find it.. it may mean the hotline, priest, doctor, a lawyer if your up to it. Take small steps if you have to but always forward..
You have your son and one on the way.. They need a strong fierce mother with absolute and unwavering love. It may mean you live civilly with him while you have your current child ...do not leave your home. Discretely plan your exit and future. It may be hell and take time but you need not remain forever abused as you are. The future is unknown and scary but strength can be found in others and also knowing that you will not and need not be treated this way forever. There is an end..unseen but an end nonetheless.
A sincere prayer for you today.
Last edited by Rob (January 16, 2017 7:24 am)
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- phoenix
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Re: Just found out completely destroyed
Jilian,
I'm so sorry you are going through this.
Today is your rainy day. Today is the day you need to call in your favors and seek help from your family and friends. Please read the responses from Lily and Mary and Rob and JK.. Note the level of concern and fear in their posts. That is not by chance. You will survive this and you will find happiness in your life again in the future, but for now you need to get through this storm and you should get help from everyone you trust. Can you take your son and move in with family for a bit? Or have someone move in with you? Maybe your parents can come stay with you since you are close to giving birth.. let your husband think they are coming to help you take care of the baby.
I was nearly suicidal when I found out and my situation was much easier than what you face with your disability, your son and being just a week or two from giving birth and a threatening husband. Please reach out for help. Don't try to carry this burden by yourself.
Please let us know what we can do to help. We are here for you. We will offer help, advice, support, care, compassion, prayer and once in a while a challenge to help you move forward.
Take this one day at a time.. one hour at a time.. one minute at a time when necessary.
-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular.
- Judy
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Re: Just found out completely destroyed
Jillian,
When this painful situation knocks you completely off your feet, you can get back up but sometimes it takes a few tries before you finally stand again. Just know you will sort this out and find your way forward. We have all experienced this and understand the horrendous pain you are feeling. We are right here day or night whenever you need us. In the meantime, I'm sending you enormous strength to do what you must.
Judy
- JJ1966
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Re: Just found out completely destroyed
Jillian,
I am praying for you, please, please be careful.
Go not quietly into that great, good night......Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
- JJ1966
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Re: Just found out completely destroyed
There are so many things I want to say to you, but I don't want to be out of line. Please....Please.....PLEASE GET HELP. Any man who threatens you this way, does not love you in any way that you or your kids need. I have been there, but this isn't about me. This is about you and your unborn baby and your son. Please oh please....get out of there.
Go not quietly into that great, good night......Rage, rage against the dying of the light.