kt - I wish there was something else I could tell you besides that it will just take time.  Every day that you get through it one closer to feeling normal again.  I used to do the same thing.  One time I had to come home from the mall because I started to cry while I was shopping.  It was truly awful.  But it will pass. 

Sometimes going "out" and doing things isn't the answer.  Sometimes it's just as good to stay in and watch a movie or TV show or bake or whatever makes you happy and relaxed. 

And you know as well as I do that those couples you see out there aren't always the picture of happiness behind closed doors.  Don't give any of them a second thought.  I know it's hard not to.  But you know you're not alone.  And you know now that we are all here and are going through or have gone through the same thing.  That may not make the pain any better but sometimes knowing there are others who truly get it can help you through the worst parts. 

I've felt just as you do many times. I believe you're in the depression stage of grief. You  describe very well what it's like to be with family or friends and just feel detached.

This is a normal part of grief. One suggestion -- are you on antidepressants? Most of us here have been and they really help. Do you have a therapist? Also very important.

I wish you the best. This does get better, but it takes time.

Having been on antidepressants during this time and before, I have not noticed any blunting of my feelings, nor are they addictive. They won't make it all better;  just get you to a place where you can begin to cope. Best of luck!

As for antidepressants, I've always been able to "feel" while on them.  I cry, I laugh, I get excited - the full range of emotions.  I just don't act like a crazed animal when I get overwhelmed.  Lol.  I am not addicted to them so much as grateful for them.  I consider it a chemical imbalance that I'm medicating much the same as insulin is to a diabetic.

It's been a long time now since I was alone and lonely.  But I remember the feeling vividly.  Not knowing what to do with the other side of the bed.  Feeling like everyone saw me all alone. Just know that not everyone you see together is truly happy.  And being without a partner can be a really great thing when you need to just worry about you and taking care of you.  Try to think of some things that you couldn't do when you were with him - things he didn't like or didn't tolerate well.  Maybe it's a place - like the zoo.  Or maybe it's a kind of music that you can now play without any complaining.  Maybe it's walking around barefoot or letting the dishes pile up in the sink.  Or rearranging the entire living room.  My ex didn't like doing much, and was such a neat freak that it bordered on insanity.  After he left I was free to take the kids to museums or to the park without feeling like I needed to worry about the other adult getting bored and antsy.  I was able to have dinners that he didn't consider dinners - like corn dogs and french fries that the kids loved.  Or doing something corny that he never saw the value in - like having a candlelight dinner, or a game night.  I stopped staying home on the weekends to do laundry, as that was HIS way, not mine.  I concentrated more on things that enriched my soul - free concerts in the park, stopping by every farmer's market that I passed, and making decorations for the house for every holiday - "okay kids, time to draw baby chicks and Easter eggs for the front door!".  They LOVED it.  We'd spend afternoons in the library, evenings all balled up in a fort reading in a pit of blankets, and no one told us that the kitchen wasn't clean enough to have such fun.  We ate cereal for dinner, then went out for ice cream.  We stopped to look at the pound at every puppy there was - just to do it.  Life was a hell of a lot more fun once I realized that Iiiiii got to make an agenda that didn't include coddling the adult toddler.  I could blast dance music while I prepared dinner, spend time organizing all my earrings, throw out the old sheets for flowered ones.  I.had.a.blast.  And then I met someone who LOVED all those things about me.  And now I get to do them all the time.

Life can be amazing.  It's all about perspective.  I'm not suggesting that you won't be sad or lonely or wish you had someone - like everyone you seem to see around you.  What I am saying is that when you concentrate on what you don't have, you will feel horrible.  When you start skipping through the mall because no one's going to stop you, you might just start to feel amazing.  Make a bucket list and then start to check things off of it.  They don't have to be big - "learn how to knit" is one of mine, as is "visit all the state parks", and "take new pics of the kids".  Learn to make an excellent blueberry pie from scratch.  Rent a convertible and joy ride through the country.  Smoke a cigar.  Go get mix to make the perfect margarita to drink tonight after dinner and put on some Caribbean music.  Replace all the pics in your picture frames with ones that make you smile.  Go hang out in the bookstore for hours on end.  Go poking through garage sales.  Take a trip to the craft store or the fabric store.  Get excited about new things.  Plan a trip with the kids - even if it's an hour away.  Exhaust yourself doing things that make you feel happy.  Life will get better - I promise. 

Kel

Thanks everyone. And Kel, thank you for the advice. I've started to do more productive things around the house like unpack left over boxes from our move when we bought this house beginning of the year lol.
    These past couple days I have been feeling numb. Sometimes angry. But mostly numb. I'm not sure why. I haven't been able to cry. Maybe my tears are recharging for this coming weekend. But I saw my dr today & he Rx'd me an anti depressant/anxiety medication. Guess we'll see how this helps.
   Sorry Rob that's she's so terribly devilish to you. I've spent half my life giving to him & for what? To be nothing to him now! Trying to think of things to do for myself. I read a quote "if you want to be strong, you have to enjoy being alone". I'm not enjoying it I guess that's the toughest part & where we need to be the strongest.