If you are still living with anger they are still controlling you. Giving yourself permission to release that anger so that you may begin to open your life to new beginnings has NOTHING to do with giving them a free pass, excusing what they did etc.  It has to do with taking back your own power and freeing yourself from a painful prison of anger and indignation that will color every aspect of your life. I have not forgiven my GXH of 28 years. But I refuse to give him another minute of my life through anger. If I do he still has a grip on my life. I have moved on.The anger is gone. I can focus on other things. Maybe one day I will forgive him but it's up to me if and when I do. But the forgiveness will never truly be for him. It will be for my sanity and well being, just as releasing the anger has been.

JK,

"..I need to delete that entire emotional email."  So, I did.   I replaced it with a very businesslike communication about responsibilities that he still has, unless he wants me to have full custody, which (in my case) I do not think is best for our children....."


Good for you !   If they were normal we could appeal to their morals?? or honor?..   For me..  She would fly into a rage about anything.. I used my lawyer to her lawyer  ($$$) to  converse about  basic stuff ...even though we were in the same house  (pathetic and sad but why should I get more stuff thrown at me).   I recall the one letter from her lawyer after only 1 month ..basically saying I should be over it..., who was she and her lawyer to tell me how I should feel?  

I thought about writing my ex now few times about;

1.) How much she hurt me..
2.) How  I was loyal faithful and true...I was always kind.
3.) I could  tell her ???

Then I remember;   

1.) NO CONTACT..  zero... zip.. unless its about the kids.
2.) There is nothing left to say..she made her choice.
3.) This is contact..  she will reply  and it will not be anything kind..  what does she have to say that is not a lie.  it will open me up to more hurt. 
4.) In the words of Gandalf "perhaps she has things to un-say.."     No  like Saruman  she will have no remorse and only more hurt to spew.
5.) NO CONTACT.. what part of no contact don't I understand.  
6.) NO CONTACT..

 

jkpeace and Rob, sometimes, though, it does feel better to hit send.  So what I did was create an email account where I sent those.  Even though I knew they weren't going anywhere, sometimes it felt GREAT.  I also began blogging and never publicly posted that blog until years later, only posting the poetry and writings that I thought someone would find helpful to read.  Never any of my "letters" to him.    Also helpful was writing the letters on paper and then burning them in a fire.  But you guys saw my post about that on NYE.  

Hugs to you JK Peace, you are strong and moving through this!