Thanks everyone for the kind words and support.  I don't say that often enough. 

I'm a full week from her moving out.. almost to the hour. 

I had my kids through last Friday morning, but then after school Friday they went to mom's house.  
My mother was in town for a few weeks with me..  what a blessing!!!   She helped me redo a ton of things in the house..  lots of paint, moving furniture, redecorating, setting up the kids toy spaces, etc..  
Having the house look different is the absolute best thing possible for me right now.  Instead of coming home to an empty version of my old house..  it's now a different house.  It's my house!

So how am i doing???    Well, since you asked.. 
I'm doing really well.  As I've heard so many times from so many people, having some space between myself and my ex is a huge improvement for me.  It's only been a week and I'm still getting used to things being so different.  But in some ways it feels like it's very distant.  It almost feels like a past life in a way. 

That's not to say I'm over it.. I still have rough times.  I still break down once in a while.  Mornings are still rough.. After 16 years of waking up and rolling over to hug someone..  the bed feels very empty.  It has been empty for months now.. but it will likely take a lot longer to get used to that. 

Having the stress of seeing her on a daily basis removed is a great thing.  I haven't seen her or spoken to her since she walked out.  Only traded a few text messages. 

She tried to tell me that I wasn't allowed to call my boys when they were at her house.  I told her that was absolute selfish garbage and I wouldn't stand for it.  So she backed down but asked me to "respect her time with the boys".   I'm not trying to spend an hour on the phone with them every evening..  I just want one or two minutes to hear their voice and say I love you and sweet dreams, etc..    I suspect she is nervous about me "prying" into her life.  I am sure that she is planning to have the adultery whore over to the house with them.  She most likely did that already this weekend.  That is going to make me absolutely irate..   The only glimmer of hope I have is that she doesn't want the other woman's son to find out the truth and things that my boys would tell him.  So maybe that will keep the other woman away until their divorce goes final. 

Anyhow looking back on "the move-out" I can say now that I did experience both sides of the emotional coin.  It was harder for me than I expected when she moved.  I think a lot of that was due to how cold she was when she did leave.  I think I was hoping for some sort of compassion, closure, even just a damn hug..  but I got nothing and that hurt.  But the flip side is that with her now gone.. I can really tell that I'm starting to detach and move on.  It's happening faster than I expected.  I'm also enjoying my new/old home.  I have a ton more work to do.. but it's stuff I'm looking forward to. 

I get my boys back tomorrow through next Monday morning and I'm really looking forward to spending time with them.  

Anyhow.. just wanted to share more of my adventure and how it's been going for me..   

Journal for 1/17 complete. 

Dee, 

Right after we separated mine tried to hug me. I stepped back and he stepped up and hugged me. These aren't real smart people. After all mine did, I have no desire to be anywhere near him or touch me. I view hiding your sexual preference from your spouse for years to benefit yourself as unforgivable and cruel. It's a privilege to hug and touch me and I told him it's been revoked. He's revolting to me. It's the lies.....

Judy

Last edited by Judy (January 18, 2017 7:00 am)

I'm so angry tonight!!!!!

This past weekend was the first time my kids had to go to mom's new house.  They were there from Friday afternoon through this afternoon.  I have told my wife hundreds of times that I am not OK with her lesbian married adulterous former drug user with suicidal tendencies being around my children.  Sure enough..  They spent most of Sunday together. 

She couldn't even give them the first weekend without exposing them to sharing her with a lesbian woman. 

I am so pissed!!!!!

 

Lostdad,

Maresyd is correct. You won't be able to control who your ex chooses to have around the kids UNLESS you can prove without a doubt the person is harming them physically. 

The judge would tell you that you are divorced and cannot choose your ex wife's company. 

Terrible, I know. I would be angry as well. It's the reason I threw the bed out onto the front lawn the day mine was moving out. He was texting lover boy while we packed him up and I was sick of him inserting the POS in my life. I'm assuming the kids told you. Perhaps one thing you could do is if the kids don't like her, tell them to approach mom and say we love to visit but not when she's around. There are all kinds of ways to influence it but not coming direct from you after the divorce is final. I don't know the age of your kids. If they are older, be careful you don't openly say things about your ex or the lesbian she is with. You can be ordered by a judge to cease doing so. 

Hey, I am with you on this. I understand completely why you are so pissed.
Judy

Last edited by Judy (January 18, 2017 8:57 pm)

maresyd wrote:

lostdad, Did the kids tell you or did you ask?  Sadly, I'm not sure you can control who is around them.  It is very hard to prove in a court of law unless the kids are put directly in harm's way.   Have you spoken to your attorney? 

I know it's so difficult to think of the "happy" little "family" because of your anger and rage at your wife and her lover.    You have every right to be totally pissed.  

How have the kids reacted?  Do they know about your concern/rage/anger about it? 

The kids told me that they played with the other woman's child.. I didn't ask them directly.  I assumed it would be the case and I figured they would let me know.. and sure enough. 

I'm sure you are right about being hard to prove in court.. but I'm going to explore that a bit.   I don't have an attorney because I handled the divorce myself.  It was early on in the process and I am very slow to anger so we did all the negotiations at the kitchen table and then went to a mediator to put it on paper and make it official.   

I am very pissed. 

I've been honest with my kids about my feelings.  I've told them the truth.. that the only thing I care about is what I feel is best for them and that being around a woman with such awful morals and who knowingly led to the destruction of our family is not good for them.  

They both tell me that they don't want to be around her.. .but they do enjoy her son's company.  The problem is that they are too young to communicate this with their mother.  I don't blame them for this of course and I'm not trying to push them in that direction.   This is my fight and I will take on the fight on their behalf until they are older and can start to defend their own convictions.