bnickell, 

Welcome to the club that noone wants to join.  But we are glad you are here.  Please feel free to post as often as you want.  Share your story, it is great therapy.  We have all been through similar struggles with spouses who are not what we expected them to be.  

I don't think many of here are anti-lgbt, but we are all anti-dishonesty.  Our spouses were not honest with us when we married them and it has lead to heartbreak for each of us.  It's not fair..  we loved them and were honest with them and they didn't do the same for us. 

Advice for healing:  
1.)  Be kind to yourself.  You will hear this frequently on this forum and it will mean something a little different to everyone.  To it was two things.. don't be hard on myself by trying to take blame for something that I wasn't at fault for.  Second, don't push myself too hard to the point where the stress made life harder that it needed to be.  
2.)  Get help from outside sources.  You need  support network.  A therapist, a Doctor (sleep meds and anti-depressants are a good thing), close friends and family members to be there for you.  Don't keep his secret and suffer more than you need to.  You don't owe him your own health.  I'm not saying you should "out" him in a public and harmful fashion, but don't add to your own suffering to keep his secret.  That's not fair to you. 
3.)  Give it time..  one day at a time.  Try not to stress over things you can't control.  Deal with today.. this hour.. this minute for itself and worry about the future in the future.  Know ahead of time that this is a roller-coaster.  You will have ups and downs.. when you are in the down, know that you have an up in front of you. .enjoy that when it comes but then be prepared for the next down.  Eventually the ups will get higher and the lows will be less frequent and not as bad.  Someday in the future you will be able to get off the ride for the most part and life will get back to being a new normal and you will be happy again.