Kel wrote:

I don't feel it's a big turn-off at all to tell people that my ex is gay.  If it was, then whatever - they weren't the one for me.  I needed them to see the flip side of the situation - that I stuck it out through thick and thin - even when I couldn't name the problem or figure out what battle armor I needed in order to fight it.  I needed them to see that I loved hard and long - despite not getting much.  I needed them to see I had fortitude and strength to battle without my partner against something that was invisible.  I needed them to appreciate that the person I should most have depended on had abandoned me, and I'd kept on trudging up that slippery hill until I realized it was hopeless.  If they couldn't see that what I'd been through revealed my strength, fortitude and good faith, then they weren't getting it - at ALL.  NEXT!  For what it's worth, that never happened.  In general, every time I revealed that he was gay, I got men who told me that they couldn't believe that a woman like me had to endure such a thing when it would have been so easy to get someone else.  Which helped my self-esteem.  They said that he MUST have been gay if he didn't want ME.  And it made for fantastic conversation - most times people don't want too many details about former relationships - it leaves them jealous and uncomfortable.  But I could talk about my situation as much as I wanted - because it was astounding to them, and interesting.  I got a lot of free therapy that way!  Lol.

What he did to you doesn't say ANYthing about you other than you are an amazing, loving, faithful person who believed the person that committed his life to you.  Even when things looked bad, you believed in him - and in your marriage.  That you had faith that could move mountains.  You take all that WITH you when you leave.  You wind up learning that your intuition isn't broken - it's dead on.  You don't make rash decisions.  You don't jump out of the frying pan the moment you feel heat.  You have fortitude and resilience.  You.are.AMAZING.  And that anyone would be lucky to have you after what you've been through and come out the other side of.  BELIEVE in yourself like you once  believed in your ex - and your marriage.  You're already good at hoping and tenacity - just apply it all to yourSELF now.  You need it, and you deserve that much from yourself.

Kel

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|_    THIS!!!!!


You captured it so well Kel.   You always do..  

I don't think of my past as an embarrassment.  I didn't do anything wrong.  In hindsight, perhaps I could have chosen better, but based on everything I felt, saw, and knew at the time I thought it was the right decision.

I think anyone interested in dating at ages outside of your 20's is looking to figure out what is wrong with the person.  Why did their prior relationships fail?  Is it some major flaw in that person.   My story doesn't reveal a flaw in my character or anything I did to make my marriage fail.  On the contrary, it shows that I was a rock, a solid spouse who loved unconditionally even without reciprocation and did everything I could to make a great marriage.

I'm not going to rush to volunteer my story to anyone right away.. But if I think there is a genuine interest between myself an another woman and they ask about my past, I will share it with confidence knowing that it will reflect well on me and not poorly.  
 

Since we were married 45 years when I discovered TGT, he was old enough FOR ME to just say he developed dementia or Alzheimers but refused to go for medical help and diagnosis.  His behavior changed dramatically and he also became cruel, abusive and violent......which was all true.   So I wasn't lying but just omitting the details of his deception.  The truth is he wouldn't go for medical tests because he knew what the reason was for his complete change in personality.  He wanted OUT and knew if he tortured me enough, I would kick his ass to the curb dam quick.  
AND I DID!!!!!!