Hi everyone -

For some of us, this is our first year apart from our ex spouse - and sometimes children (in the house full-time).  For others, we're still together with them, but we're in a very dark/confusing place right now, and don't want to do things the same as always and act like everything is fine.  If you wait to see how the holidays play out, you will likely be unhappy during/afterward.  And that's because what you're accustomed to is feeling happy.  And this time, that can feel empty, or lonely.  So it might be time to take a look at the holiday a bit differently - to asses what kinds of things you think you would enjoy - even if you need to do them alone.  What things need to happen for the day to feel like a "real" holiday for you?  Do you need to see holiday decorations?  Go see some lights?  Go to church? Do some carroling?  Decorate a tree?  Have some turkey?

Then try to work these things into your life in a different, purposeful way.  Maybe the day doesn't feel like a holiday unless there's a big meal.  So,.... can you find a place to help serve others that meal?  Can you invite single friends over, or finally accept an invite to spend the holiday with someone who's inviting you (gasp!)?  Can you ask a friend to go see the lights with you?  Just drive around with holiday songs on and find the best, gaudiest houses?  Can you find a local church service that sounds awesome and dress to go and feel moved?  Can you bake some holiday goodies (or even buy some) and drop them off at your local fire station / police station / retirement home / hospital?  What would you DECIDE to do if this were your very first holiday and you didn't have old traditions to fall back on?  Think outside the box - if you don't have a tree this year because it moved out with the ex, then go get a tiny one and buy a few new ornaments that represent new beginnings.  Hell - go get a Hallmark collectible ornament and start your own new tradition with collectibles.  Or decide that you're going to string together popcorn and cranberries, and do cut-out snowflakes.  It doesn't have to be alone - it can be a brand-new tradition with the kids.  Go buy some of Trader Joe's "Ugly Sweater" cookies, that come complete with icing to decorate them atrociously.  Have a night where you drink your favorite wine and watch your favorite Christmas movie.  Make a pie for an elderly neighbor and deliver it in-person.  Go out with the intention of doing random acts of kindness.  Put some orange peel and cinnamon in some water on the stovetop to simmer Christmas smells into the house.  There are million choices, and none of them have to be the same things you've EVER done before.

When you plan things, you know what to expect - and you begin to look forward to the event rather than dreading a holiday without meaning.  You can't wait for life to happen to you - go seize it!!!  It's all there for the taking.  And giving. 

Happy holidays to every one of us - the strong, patient, forgiving, loving, kind and wonderful people that we are.  You have carried so much on your back for so long - it's time to create some space for fun, spirituality and joy now.

Kel