Loyal Man, 

I support your plan to stay with your wife.  You made a vow and you are sticking to it.  You still love her and you are trying to reconcile and save your marriage.  Good for you!  Keep it up!  If your wife is truly bi-sexual and still enjoys having sex with you, and will remain monogamous to you for the rest of your life and you are both happy.. then by all means..  keep that marriage.

BUT

Make sure you guard yourself.  The advice you are getting from the people on this forum is from personal experience.  I don't know if anyone on this board has had a spouse say they are BI and want to remain in the marriage and actually had that come true.  In most cases "bi" is code for "I'm not ready to admit that I'm fully gay and I'm not ready to come out to the world and be on my own so I'm going to lie to you and maybe even myself for a while longer until I'm fully ready".    

As I've said in the past..  set boundaries for what your new relationship will look like.  Because she's cheated on you once she has lost her right to privacy.  She cannot have secret email accounts, passwords on her phone, late night outings with friends you don't know, etc..  She has to agree to full disclosure and not be offended by you wanting to know what's going on.  If she says no to this, then she's basically telling you that she intends to cheat again someday in the future. 

I'm just trying to help you guard yourself for what most of us feel is inevitable.  Please continue to work on saving your marriage because that this the right thing to do.  But don't allow yourself to be taken advantage of in the process. 

so sorry, LM - marriage breakdowns hurt a lot, and all you can do is hang onto the thought that good times will come again.  

I thought LostDad really nailed it with his advice.

wishing you all the best, look after yourself, Lily

Loyalman,

I'm sorry, but no - it's NOT the same as you also desiring other women and restraining yourself.  Why?  Because if a woman is what it takes to fulfill you, then you have one.  Others may be tempting,  but what you have is fulfilling you.  So you don't have unmet needs if the relationship with the woman you have is good.  That's not true of your partner if they're gay.  They may love you, but not be fulfilled by you.  And that means that they can eat all they want of the Chinese dinner and they're just going to be hungry again in 2 hours.

If her desiring other women was the same as you desiring other women, then she wouldn't have needed to come forward with the information.  I don't tell my husband, "You know I still sometimes think about other men, right?"  It's assumed.  It's assumed that he still has eyeballs for other women, too.  It's NOT assumed that either one of us has a pull towards intimacy with members of the same sex.  And if we did, and it was just an itty-bitty, teeny-tiny thing, we wouldn't say anything about it to each other, either.  Because it's a moot point.  It's when it passes the point of something little and into the territory of "I might NEED this" that someone brings it up.  Heck - it's usually after that - it's usually after they think they can't live without it and they think that a) maybe if they tell you you'll give them permission to do it within the marriage, or b) if not, then they need to start paving the road to leaving.  She was hoping on option a, and it didn't exactly work out that way.  So she needed to pull back so you wouldn't leave - because SHE's not ready for that - YET.  She may feel ready when she's with her girlfriend, but not when she's with you in her comfort zone.

I know you want to make this work.  And I hope - for your sake - that you can.  But we've all seen this waaaaaaay too many times now to have the faith in your spouse that you do.  It's like there's some secret manual they all follow, and your case is textbook so far.  Right down to the "We are now being open and honest with each other and we had some great intimacy" thing.  I hope it works out for you, but I won't blow sunshine up your ass - she's telling you what you want to hear right now.  She will do whatever she thinks is best for HER behind your back.  Watch your back.

Kel