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- BryonM
- Member
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Re: crushed
Crushed:
I'm also sorry to see you going through this. Listen to what others have advised about not leaving your house and home. Find out what rights you have in your state. Do not assume that the mother always gets the children; even in straight marriages/divorces, under certain circumstances the father can win custody; my brother did it when his wife left him for another guy. He got the kids because she left him... and like you, he is/was a devoted father and husband... until she left him.
You didn't say how old your children are, but if at all possible, don't lie to them or make up stories. After a certain age, and some socialization with other children, kids develop a sense when their parents aren't being honest, and they will internalize that as being something about themselves, that their parents are lying to them. Don't let that happen if you can avoid it. See if there is a way to be honest with them, in age appropriate language. For two reasons: 1) you want your children to always be able to trust you, especially in the most difficult and painful times, and 2) consider that a child might grow up to be gay or lesbian him/herself. Don't role model that it's okay to lie, gloss over or deceive yourself or others about the truth. That is what caused this; don't let it be passed down to the next generation.
Most kids seem to be able to handle the truth, if it is given to them in language they can understand. If they get something other than truth, they will figure it out eventually; count on it. You don't want them thinking you lied to them, even if "it was for their own good".
Better for them to see that lying hurts people, even when it isn't intended, than to try to cover it over or pretend it's something other than what it is. As long as you don't do it to poison their relationship with Mom, there's nothing wrong with letting them know that Daddy is sad about this. That is what's true.
You're right, it does need to be done carefully and sensitively, with their needs in mind first and foremost.
Last edited by BryonM (December 17, 2016 8:25 pm)
"I have given you my soul, leave me my name!" - John Proctor, The Crucible
"Question everything you've been told; hold fast to what is true and good." - I Thessalonians 5:21
- JJ1966
- Member
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Re: crushed
Crushed,
I am sorry you are in the space, but like everyone said. Don't move out, don't let her make you the keeper of her closet. You didn't do anything, I'm sorry, but I'm PI$#@d. I am tired of hearing that our
"spouses" want to explore. Screw that! Take the gender issue out, what if she wanted to explore a relationship with another man? Would you let her have the house? Would you move? Would you let her have the kids? I'm thinking .....NOT. Since when does the ability to suddenly decide to stop lying to the people who love you most entitle you to shred your husband and family, as she has done to you? It doesn't....uh oh guys, think I just hit the "angry phase".
Crushed take care of yourself you have been nothing but good to her, and taken care of her. What she is doing is unacceptable. Keep coming here for support, I promise I will work on controlling my new found anger. I am just SO TIRED of these women (or men) who destroy perfectly loving human beings. People who anyone with a brain in their head would give their eyeteeth for. I can't get my useless gid husband to pick clothes up much less stay home with me if I were sick. Hell, he'd probably have a parade if I dropped dead.
Angry Sh#t Storm Trooper
Go not quietly into that great, good night......Rage, rage against the dying of the light.