Reading all these posts, nice to see I'm not alone.

Just recently, the mother of my 2 young children, wife of 10 years and companion of 17 years revealed to me that she wishes to separate in order to explore a possible future life in which she wants to have a relationship with another woman. I had no idea and was completely devastated when she revealed this to me. Things seemed good. We are a very loving family. There had been no cracks that are usually valid reasons for separation.(abuse, infidelity, etc) Everyone always complimented me on how good of a husband and father I am.

A few years back, my wife was diagnosed with cancer while she was expecting our 2nd child.  I had just begun working at a place that had great potential for me.  However, I had to take time off to be home and take care of her (while she underwent her treatments), our newborn baby and a 1 year old.  It was a rough period but I was there for her, supporting her and making sure she would make it through it so we could continue our lives and enjoy being a family.  During that time, I was forced to leave the promising job as I was still needed at home.  Finances were tight but we were ok and she was getting better.  We got involved in cancer fighting events and raised over $10000 toward breast cancer research.  When she was healthy, since she had a job to return to, we decided I would stay home and take on the role of stay-at-home dad.  I accepted it and did the best I good, with people often saying how great I was with the kids.  I learned a new found appreciation for the work stay-at-home moms do.
I did that for about 4-6 years, until our kids were in full day school.  I felt a bit down during this period as I dwelled on the fact I wasn't bringing in any income for our family, to which she reassured me constantly that the time and work I do with our kids was value enough.  Then came the time for me to return to work.  I took a crappy overnight shift during the holiday season..when that ended, I lucked out and landed another job.  It wasn't the most enjoyable job but it paid decent and it helped me feel better because I was finally able to contribute to our family.

Fast forward a few years and the usual things I seen in people's posts about this on here started to happen.  Lack of interest in sex...which I thought was due to her having her ovaries removed as a precautionary measure in her battle with cancer.(It was/is genetic for her)  We were warned it would affect her libido but I didn't care, I wanted my wie and to not have to worry about cancer attacking her ever again.  We began to go to therapy to talk about this and try to come up with a solution.  We visited our therapist as a couple and both had individual sessions with her as well.  I guess in one of her solo sessions, she came to this conclusion and with the assistance of the therapist, began to get the courage to reveal this to me.

The day she dropped the bomb on me(last month), I was devastated.....I still am.  Its still damn fresh.

Having been a loving, dedicated and loyal husband/father for all these years, her revelation has caused me a tremendous amount of pain and stress as I struggle to understand the changes that I will be faced with.....especially during the upcoming holiday season which is usually a very happy time in our household.

Initially, I refused to accept this news and tried everything to get her to reconsider her decision. Even after her telling me this, I still very much love this woman and had been trying to "win her heart back" because it is completely destroying the dreams and plans I had for my own life. When I married her, I was genuinely expecting it to be a forever thing. I wanted so badly for my children to not have to deal with the broken home childhood that I had when I was a child. My life goal of getting married, staying married, having kids and living "happily ever after" have been shattered. All because I picked the wrong person. I picked the wrong person.

I'm also worried about our children, with whom we haven't yet told about the pending separation. This change could potentially break their little hearts. I am being asked to leave from my home and will need to go get my own place, where I keep getting reassured I will see them every 2nd weekend......I worry in their eyes they will think their Daddy is leaving them or that I don't love them and Mommy anymore. With them being young, I'm told we can't be completely honest with them, to protect them and I get it, I really do. But I'm torn......I did not and do not want this.. I was even trying to work out a solution in which she could explore her urges with me turning a blind eye without busting up our little family but she won't budge, she wants what she wants...Even though this was entirely her decision......I'm told I have to suck it up and make this seem like it was a decision both of us as parents have come to. Even though Daddy still loves Mommy very much, we have to make they believe we both made this decision.

Kinda bullshit from my side of this.......especially given that if this was a case where it was reversed and I said I wanted to separate to be with someone else(female or male), I would be labelled as a complete asshole and bad guy. 

Immediately following her bombdrop, I suffered from 2 very serious panic attacks that eventually sent me to the hospital.  They gave me meds to help and they sure did.  I felt like a zombie and it was relief from what I had been feeling.  I was hoping to keep getting help via meds but on a follow up appointment, then instead opted to give me links to websites geared to control my anxiety....  I use them but I am still very messed up about this whole situation.  I wish they could have given me something because this is really bogging me down.  I cant remember the last time I smiled.  Another sad thing was that due to my severe panic attacks, I was basically out of commission for a weekend and was forced to miss my a sports event my kids are in, the first time I ever missed one.  I also missed my youngest's birthday party.....  I felt horrible but recognized I was in no shape to be there.

My mind doesn't stop.  Ever.  I cant sleep, can't eat.  I've lost about 30 lbs since the news and people are noticing...  I find myself talking to people and revealing everything......and then instantly regretting it...I'm a mess.  everyone keeps saying I will be ok, it just takes time but man, its hard to see that.  I'm completely broken. 

After everything I did for this woman.  All the love and sacrifices.....and shes just throwing it all away.  I don't even know who this person is anymore.......and yet I still love this woman. While I applaud her for being true to herself.....I just wish she was more compassionate with me as I deal with this.....because I am hurting so much and the person who usually comforts me when I am hurt.......well, caused the hurt.