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September 13, 2016 10:58 am  #51

Re: Putting the pieces together

JJ1966 wrote:

I am beginning to wonder if my bh is actually gid? .....Anyway, how common is it for a husband to come out as bi to his wife, only after being caught with no way to lie his way out, and really turn out to be gay? I know, this is a question I shouldn't even have to ask. But has anyone else gone thru this?

There was an old timer named "JJ" who used to post wonderfully straight forward, helpful, and humorous posts years ago on the old board.  She had a saying: "bi-now gay later", indicating that often spouses ease into telling us that they are gay and start off just saying they are bi. 


"No matter how hard the journey may be, remember to be kind to yourself..."

September 13, 2016 11:11 am  #52

Re: Putting the pieces together

JJ1966 wrote:

...After everything else, I am starting to see some really "out there" behavior. He went to school for massage therapy, and has now applied to a homeopathic med school that is across country. He has been talking about going out there first so he can get things set up. Don't worry I'm not completely crazy, I know he's not coming back. I grew up in a family where you married for better or worse. I won't make him leave, but I can't make him stay. I am ready for him to leave, have been for a while. I will worry about what comes next later, it will definitely be a sh**t st**m, but I am honestly too tired to care....

He has already been able to isolate you in your own home and home town.  If you move across the country the isolation will be be total and complete. This is a common theme here. It has happened to too many others.  I am so glad you have decided to encourage him to follow his dream knowing that you will not follow.  You are a smart and strong woman.  Stick to your guns.  

JJ1966, I read your story under the "Our Stories Tab".  Your H is not Str8 and he is isolating you, gas lighting you, and tearing down your self esteem. Do not doubt what you know to be true.  You are not imagining all of this and you are not crazy.  

Finally, you are doing everything to support the both of you, financially and around the house. You are doing everything.  You are doing everything.  I had to have a dear friend point this out to me when I split from my X and that is why I emphasize that to you.  It will not be harder when he is gone, it will be easier!  Trust me.  All of your resources and your hard work will start to be put towards YOU.  Right now you are financing your life as a couple and his secret life with others.  When he is gone all of your money and energy will be put towards YOU.  Hang tough.  It will get better even if it feels horrible now.

"No matter how hard the journey may be, remember to be kind to yourself..."

September 13, 2016 8:46 pm  #53

Re: Putting the pieces together

Jj, I'm so sorry, I did not mean in any way that it was easy, or some kind of fun jackpot! I mean that It truly is a GIFT, not necessarily from Him, but from God/The Universe? Fate?/ Angels.....This is a way out for you, to freedom & peace.



December 16, 2016 8:32 pm  #54

Re: Putting the pieces together

whatasham24, I didn't take it that way, it was just the only reply I had at the time. 2 years later I am still waiting for him to leave. The difference is, that he has finally applied and been accepted. Now we are going thru the motions of his trying to decide whether or not to go out alone at first or to dump everything and we both go at the same time. He keeps bouncing back and forth but I think we all know the answer to what will happen, I just wish he would get on with it.

Go not quietly into that great, good night......Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

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