OurPath Open Forum
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- Rob
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Re: Would love some input
"..As I sat crying this weekend, telling him that our marriage is over, he had the nerve to say to me.....everything would have been fine if you had not been snooping. .."
Ah, the classic narcissistic response to everything.. you find their crap and they turn the conversation around to be about their privacy. My now ex can twist anything to be about how you are wrong and she is right.
"..I feel so betrayed, so disrespected and so utterly unloved.".. Yeah, me too . It was so demeaning to watch her go have sex every night and there was nothing I could about it...well there was; I told I would not do it anymore.
I may be alone but I have self worth and dignity. These spouses of ours have this sense of entitlement and logic that defies all norms and moral.
So very sorry ...start taking small steps for yourself. We cannot change or fix them. And we deserve to be treated so much better.
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- maresyd
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Re: Would love some input
Lynncat, I'm so so sorry you find yourself here. I hope you find some comfort and support from all of the wonderfully bruised and battered here. We all find parts of our story in yours.
Life does and will go on. Your life can be different. You do NOT deserve this. No one does. You are not to blame for finding his hidden lies. You are not the one betraying trust. To say otherwise is simply ridiculous. He's acting like an ass.
It's very typical that as we respond to behavior that is not ok with us, the reaction is always to shame US for having wants and needs. Try to keep your head on straight (no pun intended there), and remember the reason why you are in the situation--he lied. He hid who he was. He tried to get you on "his side" by forcing you to accept who he was yet still be ok with it in your marriage. It's absolutely your choice to NOT be ok with it, to question why, and to say the marriage is over. The blame is not yours.
Peace to you as you move forward. Keep posting.
“Above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely of places.”
- whatasham24
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Re: Would love some input
Lynncat,
I know it's not any real consolation, at least not the comfort you are truly looking for, but it helped me a great deal to not feel so alone & isolated knowing that my story was the same to hundreds of other spouses. Well, the husband's traits & excuses were similar. Your story is unique,. YOU are unique. You deserve more than you've received in marriage & I know it's hard to think that far ahead, but you CAN find the love & partnership you desire & deserve. It really helped me at the beginning of my marriage separation to think of it as an ugly, excruciating task I had to get thru and that eventually, it would all be evident I had made the right decision in splitting. The wavering, crying, insane grief would eventually dissipate & I just had to get on with it. The head spins & nauseating sadness goes away. Hang in there. "One foot in front of the other" is so overused but is so true!
keep chatting & letting go on here, but please find a therapist or a friend you can lean on. As a single mom you must be exhausted from the stress of it all, please lean on someone so you can conserve energy & your spirit for your children & yourself.
message me if you need to blow off steam privately or need reassurance. Several of us on here have / are going thru the exact same crisis and all you describe is the exact M.O we have seen. Don't suffer in isolation, it makes the grief he is causing you double strength.
Hugs
Sham