I think we've all learned there are no goofy questions.   

Have you asked him about it?  If you're living together I hope you have some relief and fresh air somewhere. 

LC:

Is this new behavior for him? And it began suddenly? If so, have there been any other changes in his daily routine? If he were feeling dirty because of his actions, I would think he'd more likely be obsessed with getting and staying clean, washing away any evidence...  "Out, out, damned spot" and all that.

This is something I would discuss with his doctor to rule out any phsyiological causes before assuming it's something psychological. His lack of hygiene for 3-4 weeks sounds like more than a mere annoyance or inconvenience; doesn't he notice the smell about himself, or feel itchy or greasy or unclean? A change in behavior that dramatic and sudden, for 3-4 weeks, and it doesn't seem to bother him, he doesn't notice it or smell it himself? That sounds like some form of brain damage. I would be talking to a neurologist.

When you hear hoofbeats, think "horses" not "unicorns."  Meaning, rule out the most obvious first - biological or organic before emotional or psychological.

Last edited by BryonM (December 12, 2016 5:55 am)

LC,

Or is not bathing a repellent to insure he doesn't have any possibility of having to have a sexual encounter with you? That's the thought I immediately had.

My Gay husband did all sorts of things to make sure it was never a possibility.

LC,
Mine also had an ED problem but my therapist told me it's because he didn't want to have sex with a woman. Hard to perform. He had no prob with his male lover.

Sleeping in a chair is also avoidance. I'm in two groups and I have two therapists. Two because I wanted balance and a greater degree of accuracy. This is very hard - as you know and I was actually better off right after he left. At the nine month mark the fog lifted and I could see this for the horror it is.

Have a peaceful day!

Judy,
I'm  sorry to hear 50 years and then this for you.  I'm 20 yrs in.  Mine hasn't admitted to anything.
I haven't asked or accused, but did finally make a statement "There are only two reasons a man can lie in a bed with a woman and not want to have sex with her 1. He has ED and has a medical problem.  2. He doesnt like women."
I figured he would blow up, nope, no denial, no confirmation just said "Oh now I know why you said you weren't going to be my cover anymore" (I had said this several weeks ago)
I know he loves me, but he is living with his demons.  I see through the BS and am baffled by his rants but see them for what they are and don't internalize it.  Thank God I know who I am.  My hurt comes from time invested and him feeling he can't be honest with me.  I told him two days ago along with the above statement "you have skated by in the last 20 yrs, but this time you have pissed me off.  He comes in this morning 4:20a.m. and asked about me still being up.  I told him not to ask me anything because at this point the "ONLY" thing we have to talk about is the business.  As far as I go it's none of your business! 
He has said "supposedly" he would be out by Christmas.  I'm not holding my breath, it will probably need to be forced upon him.  I believe it was Sean that said they don't like to be alone, this is true of mine and has always stated that.  I'm grieving the loss and it is a huge one.  I love him always will and feel no shame to do so with all the junk he has shoveled my way.  In my observance it's the strong ones who usually have their plates the fullest with the junk.  Remember that as you go forward.
I am a Christian and love Mercy Me's song "Beautiful" very encouraging.  Please listen to it if you can.  Another one from the same group is "Younger Me"
They are very uplifting.
May God Bless you with clarity, peace and 18 steps forward & 0 back 😊