OurPath Open Forum

This Open Forum is funded and administered by OurPath, Inc., (formerly the Straight Spouse Network). OurPath is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit that provides support to Straight Partners and Partners of Trans People who have discovered that their partner is LGBT+. Your contribution, no matter how small, helps us provide our community with this space for discussion and connection.


You are not logged in. Would you like to login or register?

December 8, 2016 2:36 am  #31

Re: Bisexual Men in Straight Relationships

Séan wrote:

​Getting back to my question, do you think we should distinguish between bisexual and monogamous?.... Does anyone agree with this?

Monogamy is a behavior, and more than that, it is a behavior that one decides to engage in.
Sexuality (bi, gay, straight; take your pick) is an orientation, an innate attribute / characteristic / component.
Of course, they should be kept distinct. They may intersect, but one is not dependent on the other.
Different categories completely.

Séan wrote:

I think we can all agree that men, and particularly gay men, are terrible at monogamy.

Well, I for one don't agree. That's a modern, post-60s and anti-male, sexist point of view.

Leave the gay men out of it for the moment. The straight men who are alleged to be "terrible" at monogamy (assuming that "cheating" is what is meant here), are cheating with someone, and that someone is likely to be a straight woman. That is often overlooked due its obviousness, and women's complicit role as partner rarely seems to be considered. But the men have to be cheating with someone. Ergo... non-monogamy is gender-blind. We post-60s men have been conditioned to believe (ie, told) that we are terrible at monogamy, and somehow, many of us fell for it. It ain't necessarily so; or at least, if we are, then women are too, and in similar proportion. This notion that men are less sexually disciplined than women is a modern and false construct, disproved by centuries of history, not to mention basic arithmetic.


Last edited by BryonM (December 9, 2016 12:31 am)

"I have given you my soul, leave me my name!"  - John Proctor, The Crucible
"Question everything you've been told; hold fast to what is true and good." - I Thessalonians 5:21

January 17, 2017 4:05 pm  #32

Re: Bisexual Men in Straight Relationships

I have met a few individuals in my lifetime (because I'm a talker) that say, "Right now I'm with a female (they are also female), but before that it was a male.  I'm equally attracted to both sexes - it's more about the person than their sex."  Interesting.  There are some of us out there who like individuals of all different colors - I myself am attracted to white and non-white men.  That doesn't mean ALL men - there are many men whom I find attractive, and many whom I do not.  I would only date men whom I found attractive (even if they weren't what's typically seen as attractive by society).  I felt that it gave me many more opportunities to find the right man than if I were limited to just white men.  I can't help my attraction - it just.... is.  I feel that true bi-sexuality is very similar in that bi-sexual people find both people of both sexes as an option.

Now....... when a partner comes out as bi-sexual within a straight marriage, I don't feel like it MEANS the same thing as what I just explained.  Because it's already assumed that every freaking person on the planet finds SOME other people attractive.  At the very beginning of the dating relationship, preferences may come up - you may find out that the straight man finds women with a different hair color than yours ALSO attractive.  Whatever.  It's kind of good, in a way - it means he not with you because he has a fetish for women with your hair color.  What you do NOT expect is that after 8 years of marriage, your straight husband is going to come home one day and says, "In addition to blondes (like you), it seems I'm ALSO attracted to a few brunettes."  Who the f cares?!?  To say that, the man would be trying to TELL her something - such as "I would love it if you would now permit me to look at brunettes and comment on them without you acting weird about it."  or "I think I won't feel fulfilled unless you give me permission to go have sex with a brunette, too."

If a straight spouse you've been married to for years tells you "Oh no - I'm (gasp!) bi-sexual!", he wants you to do something about that.  Accept some behavior he's going to pitch to you next.  Maybe it's watching or enacting fantasies with same-sex partners in it.  Or more than one partner.  Or asking for your acceptance so he can move on to the next phase of asking you for whatever it is they want to pitch to you.  Otherwise they'd have NO.REASON to tell you whom else they're attracted to unless they want to a) hurt you, or b) do something with the information.  It is literally pointless information otherwise - it can only serve to hurt them unless they can GET something out of it.

Just my $0.02.


Last edited by Kel (January 17, 2017 4:07 pm)

You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.

Board footera


Powered by Boardhost. Create a Free Forum