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Thank you. I do know that is was his ultimate decision but still extremely hard for me to deal with.
I know he was tormented from a young age and sexual abuse he suffered which very well could have lead to this
alter ego he created. I just feel so deceived and angry and sad all at once. I just want to SCREAM at the top of my lungs !!!
I wish I didn't see what I saw honestly, I'm haunted by the visions. He was a kinky f*kr.
OMG, when will this get easier. I don't know how to deal.
Maybe I should just be greater he was into men or men dressed as woman, whatever.
Not sure if he slept around with other woman if it would be worse.
So deeply confused.
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Jennifer,
I'm deeply sorry for what you're going through. My father, who was bipolar, with paranoid fantasies that he was being stalked, killed himself, so I know that the aftermath is an avalanche of pain. We all feel guilt even though we know the decision was theirs and motivated by interior, not exterior forces, and we all want answers to our questions, and part of the pain comes from the uncertainty, from knowing that we will never get those answers.
It's important right now that you take care of yourself, be kind to yourself, and find someone to talk to so you won't be isolated and alone.
Again, so sorry.