Wow, Upset.  My husband has the same obsessiveness.  When he first sprung the trans thing on me I pointed this out to him, that maybe he was fixated on this the same way he gets about other things: a new guitar (he had one built by a luthier and was involved in it down to the tiniest details), a new car (he gets the fever and then starts researching endlessly).  In fact, he's been repressing his urge to dress up for about 6 weeks now, and now he's itching for a new car.  After observing this obsessiveness for as long as I have, I've decided that it's a way to displace/deflect/rechannel his urge to dress and act "like a woman" (a hyper femme one).  

I don't think you're in denial; I think you're in the initial stages of a recognizable pattern of response.  And the early stages of it are characterized by wanting/trying to understand him, and to want very badly to believe in the possibility of a future together, so badly that you try to accommodate yourself to what he says he needs, and you think if he just gets this thing, it'll all be all right.  

 As for his rant, I agree with Kel.  It's illogical and inconsistent.  And furthermore I think he's gotten some of it off of websites that push the trans activist "transition" line.  I would echo Kel in saying that if gender is confining and unimportant, why can't he just act the way he wants and not call it anyting?  Ungender things, rather than embracing the opposite gender pole.  It never ceases to amaze me that the trans activist line says they are nonbinary, when more often than not whatl they want is the other side of the binary!  
  I suggest you read Michael Bailey's "The Man Who Would be Queen," (you can find it online and read it for free), especially the part about autogynephilia, and look up the work of Anne Lawrence, too.  I also recommend the blog "transwidow" (she's been through it with her ex).