I am a woman married for over twenty years. Have been with my husband for thirty years. Three kids all teens. Don’t know whether he’s gay, autistic, or I’m going mad and paranoid … with menopause ?
He is a loyal, kind, does things for everyone. A pleaser, good looking. Too good to be true.
He shows autistic traits such as: he is very black and white, literal thinker, lacks physical emotion, wears an eye mask and has a heavy blanket in bed, doesn’t like people lying… he shows his thoughtfulness by doing things, sweet things for others - I suppose that’s how he shows his love . When we first met he didn’t like to hold hands, made him feel uncomfortable … but he was a very good lover and thoughtful always.. also has no filter when taking to people either  .. will say it as it is.
Reason I think he may be gay: last few years his mannerisms have become questionable he does things with his hands,  very camp gestures, almost flamboyant sometimes .. makes me feel uncomfortable. Don’t like it… I feel it! Others may not notice it as much as me but I do. Went to a musical last Xmas and another father friend next to him said : “you’re so gay!”… when he was dancing..prob jokingly but it was what I was thinking! He looks at other fit men .. subtly but I have noticed it .. and brought it up the last time I saw him looking at someone and he said he thought he knew him … i don’t know, I sound stupid … start thinking about  every little thing that i  thought was off … in our years together. Many years. I have no evidence that he’s been with another man , don’t think he has ever. He is very loyal and is a family man. Not sure whether he watches porn? Have never seen him? It’s just my intuition … that he likes men … he only had one girlfriend before me. Is that odd? We were young when we got together early twenties ..

I have confronted him and asked him whether he is gay? I got to a point a month or so ago  … he said no i don’t like penis’ said something along those lines. Then said I’ve always looked after you the kids don’t know what more you want. I felt guilty afterwards… but then he’ll do something (be camp or look at someone ) and then the feelings of him being gay come back again … !
He says he has a low sex drive ? I have prob too , but recently it’s always been me that instigated our sex life,  (taking HRT so has made me more sexual) he never really checks out women .. like I will say that , Chris Hemsworh is good looking. .. he won’t say that about anyone ? I don’t know I sound stupid writing all this. It’s a gut feeling ..  maybe he’s bisexual, asexual .. just weird the way he comes across .. autistic , gay? I’m consumed reading things about this.. feel lonely in our marriage. Starved of affection.  How have others felt ?
Feel like my whole life has been a lie … maybe I’ve always known something was off. Could it be his autistic traits ? Is he attracted to men? Am I blowing it all out of proportion? 
Have had many sleepless nights, haven’t mentioned it to anyone . They’d say I’m stupid .. they see him as a provider, loyal … but at home I feel sad, almost invisible - lonely. Any advice ? Am I going mad?

Last edited by HCrist95 (September 10, 2026 11:47 am)