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1 of 1- christinaki1976
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Dealing with his sexuality
Hi guys. I’m married to a man who told me everything before we got married.
He is gay and told me all of it before we got married and as I love him we got married 3 years ago.
We have had intimacy and even though I know it was hard for him I thought as he was once with a woman he would be ok to be intimate with me. That has been on and off.
Now for the past 4 months it stopped. I feel rejected as I never pressured him he said he wanted to have sex with me and also other men as he could not control it. I agreed to it and I even said I rather not know. I never lived in hope that he won’t be with other men.
While married he has had encounters with other men and I know about them even though he hasn’t told me. I never brought it up out of respect.
If we had a sexless marriage from the beggining it would have been easier but this on and off really hurt me. And then when he said he would with me and also other men and now it all stopped it’s killing me.
I have needs and I don’t wanna cheat. It’s not my thing. He is a loving husband cares for me and it’s only for his sexual needs he want to be with other men.
Even though I agreed to it and if I had a problem I would not have married him. I find it hard to be in a sexless marriage and when I talk to him about it not for him to have sex with me as no one can make anyone do that. He turns defensive and nasty. He says I’m obsessed and mentally sick. I won’t apologise for my needs.
I need some advice or support around this. He also had asked me if it’s ok for him to bring someone home and I said no. He respected that. I said go out and do anything but not at our home.
We love each other and I try to be as understanding as possible but even when we were to get married I asked him if he is sure he is not putting pressure on himself and he always said he enjoyed sex with me.
Any advice appreciated
- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: Dealing with his sexuality
christinaki1976 wrote:
Hi guys. I’m married to a man who told me everything before we got married.
He is gay and told me all of it before we got married
I feel rejected.
While married he has had encounters with other men and I know about them even though he hasn’t told me. I never brought it up out of respect.
....this on and off really hurt me. And then when he said he would with me and also other men and now it all stopped it’s killing me.
I find it hard to be in a sexless marriage and when I talk to him about it not for him to have sex with me as no one can make anyone do that. He turns defensive and nasty. He says I’m obsessed and mentally sick.
I need some advice or support around this.
You need to join the dots. Your gay husband has handed you all the information you need about his manipulation and gaslighting for you to be able to see that the only person he's thinking about, in respect of sex, intimacy (and lack of respect) is himself. When you realise you'll be a doormat for him if you stay quiet and weak, and when you gather people and resources around you that will build you up, not tear you down like your husband is doing....your eyes will open to his selfishness and misogyny.
Elle
KIA KAHA