Dear Lily,

thank you very much for your welcome! I had a few busy days and almost missed your post in this thread.

I hope to post more frequently and provide help and encouragement to our fellow straight partners during difficult times.
Also, thank you sooo much for the work you do here which is way more helpful than you might realize.
When I was going through darkness ten years ago I stumbled upon “The Other Side of the Closet” by Amity Pierce Buxton, devoured it and eventually came to read the forum. I had no local support group then but reading about the struggles and tribulations of others and what they had to say really helped and made me feel less alone. As did good friends, a capable therapist and family.
The biggest theme for me really was gaslighting. I used to be very comfortable in my male identity, the classic family man, provider and stable anchor with a post-graduate education and successful career. When I was missing the core part of our relationship and suffered almost physically from the lack of touch, appreciation and desire on my GXW’s part the answer was steady and subtle gaslighting. It was about shifting our shared coordinate system, invalidating my male qualities, even devaluing males in general. When the truth finally came to light (while watching Grace and Frankie together on Netflix and my asking pointed questions) I had begun to question myself and the validity and appropriateness of my own desires.

I am seeing similar patterns with others here and love to read when they are eventually able to reclaim their straight identity and come to a place of healing.
Thank you for helping to make that possible!

All the best
Straight Survivor