OurPath Open Forum
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Living in Limbo
Here's my story:
My husband and I have been married for 10 years and we have 2 young children together. The past 2 years our relationship has been super rocky. Practically non-existant. I was contemplating leaving. Things got so bad that he finally told me there had been something he had been hiding from me. He told me he was gay. He'd always felt this way his whole life but social pressures "forced" him to go down the path of getting married and having children. The past 2 years he had felt overwhelmed with this pressure and had started searching online for men in a similar situation to him. He was hiding this from me and hence why our relationship had gotten so bad.
We had a big talk. He was honest and he said he was also discovering a very supressed side of himself so a lot of his feelings are unknown. He isn't sure if he is bisexual or gay so he isn't sure how much of a relationship we can actually still have. He said our family is top priority and he won't be looking to leave intentionally. Later down the line if he forms a relationship with someone then we cross that bridge when we get to it. But he has been very honest that he is looking to connect with a man.
I love him. I'm attracted to him, but it feels like my whole world has just crashed down. Do I stay and wait to see if he still has some feelings for me? I am a child of divorce so I am very conscious of what separating can do to our children. I am also afraid of leaving and being alone for the rest of my life. I'm so conflicted. I want to support him on this journey and I also have hope that there are still some feelings in his heart for me. But I don't want to live my life as someone's crutch and not feel loved. I have said that I could live with having to share you. But not sitting at home while you are out and about having relarionships with others.
Because I have provided a safe and supportive environment for him to start this journey of discovery, I don't feel like he is acknowledging the pain I'm going through. He asked for his secret to only be something between me and him while he is figuring things out and not to tell any friends or family so I have had no one to share any of my feelings with.
I didn't know there were so many other people in similar situations so it's a relief so be able to tell my story.