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- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: 35 years of marriage - has it all been a lie?
blindsightedwife wrote:
.... I wish there was a person to person group with others in the same situation.
I now find myself navigating being in a Mom marriage. I am taking it a day at a time. Some days I am in a tight grip of fear and other days I feel almost normal. It is not easy. There is no wrong or right and no manual to follow. I never envisioned this being my reality......
I think every straightspouse wishes that face to face contact. The feeling of being the only penguin on a gigantic iceberg can be isolating at first but I have gratitude for the bright moments of the one time I did have f2f contact and lasting thanks for the online friendships I've made.
Yep...day by day is all you can do it at the start. But the strong times will be more often and the fear will be less.
"It's not the weight you carry but how you carry it.
-books, bricks, grief -
It's all in the way
you embrace it
balance it
carry it"
It's not your* MOM marriage, it's his. You have your own life to live 
Elle
Last edited by Ellexoh_nz (June 23, 2026 1:25 am)
KIA KAHA
- lily
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Re: 35 years of marriage - has it all been a lie?
Hi blind sighted, yes agreed there are very very many MOMs, and so far in my experience, mostly the straight spouse does not know. And I remember how shocked I was when I found out. It is deeply shocking - new information that changes the way you view your past as well as your present.
And the picture gets more complicated as you take on board some MOMs do not include a straight spouse at all - they're both bisexual gays..
Which I think is why a lot of the advice given for staying in a MOM is not really acknowledging of what it is like for the straight spouse.
The Dutchman who posts here is a straight male who knows he's married to a lesbian - which is more unusual. They are members of the same church and both consider their religious beliefs as paramount.
Just to be blunt. The other thing which weighs into the situation is where there is a match in terms of dominant and submissive. I think it can be a bit of an emotional tightrope across the Niagara Falls at times. Miserable as my sexless marriage was, I feel fortunate we weren't a match that way as I know he would have taken advantage of me further like that.
Anyway, I just think it helps to determine the dynamics in your marriage, I've spent hours curled up on my bed sifting through my memories and the feeling I have now is very solid - shock has been absorbed. it's in the living it's in the loving I've done since - it's like I can back myself again.