My wife and I have been married for 14 years. We separated over a year ago, and I've been doing all of the paperwork for the amicable divorce in the meantime.

When our relationship started, it seemed to be the perfect match. I actually never stopped loving her throughout our marriage. But, one thing that made the marriage complicated was the fact that she was diagnosed with breast cancer about a year into us dating. Relatively young, mid-30's. This totally changed the dynamic, and I became somewhat of a caregiver through two different bouts of cancer over a period of about 9 years. She eventually had to have some medical procedures done which put her into permanent medical menopause. I felt like this was the catalyst for a major change in her behavior. 

She was not able to do hormone therapy, so was essentially lacking most hormones, and our sex life suffered. At the same time, she became somewhat radicalized by the feminist and LGBTQ movements, especially during the pandemic, and very vocal about it. And her interest in LGBTQ media, radical feminist literature, and what seemed to be hostility towards men spiked. I supported some of her beliefs, but I wondered why she was changing so drastically, and why the pride t-shirt and rainbow banner... 

We drifted, she decided that maybe she was autistic, and she went through a whole process to find out. She was diagnosed as NOT autistic, but she didn't really accept it. Her resentment towards me grew, and she claimed that it was a whole host of various things I wasn't doing around the house along with not being attentive enough. I tried my best to pick it up in both departments. She eventually switched bedrooms (ostensibly because of her back issues). We tried couples counseling, but it felt like she wanted to just use it to prove that our issues were all based on my own anxieties. Eventually, she asked for divorce. I was pretty devastated. It just felt like our issues weren't enough for this and we could work it out. 

One thing that she forgot was that I knew her public reddit account. She had shared a post with me in the past. I started looking at her posts and found out that she had been participating in the "late bloomer lesbian" subreddit for a couple years. She had decided that she was a lesbian and had been one for some time. And she positively identified with others who had "escaped" their marriages to be their true selves. She had told me a couple times that she was bisexual. But, before our marriage, her relationships had all been with other men. She did come from an extremely evangelical family (father is a preacher who has "SSA" and is still in the closet). So, it all kind of tracks now that I've read about the signs, but it really bothers me that she won't tell me to this day. She mentioned on the forum about how she's been "coming out to friends and family." But, not me. I feel like I deserve to be told. I was her husband... 

So, I'm stuck having to decide whether to believe this, in the absence of her actually coming out and telling me. Some part of me still thinks that the medical menopause had a drastic and immediate effect on her mental stability and beliefs about her sexual orientation. 

I just need to find a way to move on, regardless. Still feeling stuck and not 100% sure of anything.