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- Alex1984
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Re: Embracing my husband's same sex attraction
Happy holidays everyone!
If you struggling, please know you're not alone. Holidays are tricky, lots of emotional stuff bubbles out. Therapists are by far the busiest over the holidays. Things absolutely šÆ get better!
My husband came out as bi two years ago. If you follow my posts, being open about our experience has been critical for my wellbeing. It helped me process the events and I am proud of the intentional, deep romantic connection we have cultivated in the last two years. We both opened up and learn a lot about ourselves and each other.
Just when you start feeling like the world is your oyster again, somebody swoops in to clip your wings.
My husband came out to his family a year ago.. Early on remarks were made that this "should have been left in the family". His relatives also questioned our marriage and how I could ever stay with him after this confession. I appreciated the concerns, but was hoping those were just the early signs of processing. Things seemed to have settled, but this Christmas we weren't invited to the family dinner.. His sexuality is never attacked directly, but he is criticized for changing too much and (here's a kicker) I'm blamed for changing him... trust me, he hasn't changed much at all. He grew a beard and became a little more intentional about his relationships, including his relationship with his farther, who now passed away.
His family isn't even religious, it's just inconvenient for them and they don't like "what people might say". My mother (who turned radically religious 10 years ago) is a little better, she just wrote it off and pretends the coming out never happened. She is still very amicable and loving towards him, but is also comfortable making homophobic remarks in front of us, using words like "abnormal", "unnatural" and "disgusting".
We are monogamous and heteronormative - what is their issue?? Just the audacity of a man being open about who he likes and a woman choosing to love and live with whomever she wants seem to get on some people's nerves.
I keep hearing about how accepting families are of the LGBTQ spouses.. I guess we weren't that lucky... š¢
- Alex1984
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Re: Embracing my husband's same sex attraction
My "monthly" update is long overdue. The summer has been busy.
Last week I was invited to a games night with a bunch of women my age. I realised how little I have in common with "normal" people. Most women were in long-term marriages, all but maybe one of them were full of resentment towards their husbands. They complained about how their husbands are lazy,Ā inattentive,Ā selfish, pricks, impossible to connect with. Most have checked out on their marriages and are staying because it is "too hard" to leave financially or for the kids.
I spent the weekend being wined-and-dined and otherwise spoiled by aĀ male friend, while my husband looked after the house. I tried really hard, to go with the complaining vibe - but ended up just sitting there and staring at everyone like a 3rd grader at a nuclear physics convention unable to utterĀ a single piece of criticism towards him. F*ck I'm lucky! I know there were times I didn't feel like that, but boy I felt it then..
Being in a "theoretically open" relationship allows my husband and I to connect emotionally with more people. Many of those people become friends, others disappear - but every time my husband and IĀ run back to each other. We both feel like there is nothing better out there for sure.
Ā
Last edited by Alex1984 (March 1, 2026 7:15 pm)
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