My comments are in red. 

Shannon wrote:

It’s been less than a week since I found out my husband of 17 years is gay. My emotion were all over the place. But we have been having great conversations and although he has blown up my world - I still love him....of course you still love him. You found out less than a week ago that your husband is attracted to men. The fact your emotions are "all over the place" is par for the course and it will take more weeks/months/years that you can imagine to get your head around this.
We are communicating and I like us as partners and when we were married - our opinion had been marriage is for life. I don’t know what he wants, but he has said that he wants me to figure out what I want first and then we can begin to figure out what the future holds. ....even though your husband has dropped a bomb he now wants you to help him pick up the pieces. I think when you're in love that's a tactic that tends to keep us thinking that maybe.....just maybe it'll all work out.

The sex has always been less frequent than I would have liked. But I found my self today wondering about the possibility of opening our marriage. Did the idea of a sex club come from you or him? Is it disastrous to contemplate going to a sex club to explore together? I love our intimate connection and I feel connected to him - even if sex is off the table. Is it crazy to want to explore him watching me with another guy, and me watching him with that same guy, or perhaps a different one? About half way through the 38 yrs with my former partner...he brought up the idea of meeting other people, an open r'ship, and I bought into it because I was in love, my libido was pretty damn good lol and I liked the adventure aspect of it. Our sex life had been great up til then so, y'know, why not! We even tried a sex club in Australia (lived there for a year). Yip it was exciting. It was a BDSM club and I saw things I'd never seen before. An experience I was open to then, don't regret (life's all about learning about myself) but would never repeat because I'm a different person today. All that, the 4 year open r'ship) was me gathering events, experiences, realisations that in the end told me that life wasn't for me.

I feel that if we can still share the connection that we have cultivated over our marriage and creating our family - then this could add what had been missing. To add to our intimacy, but also satisfying mine (and his) sexual needs. If you think what's missing in your marriage can be solved by adding other people all I can say is you won't know until you try it. 
Am I delusional thinking this? No no....not delusional. You're a woman who's learned the man she loves is not the man she thought she knew and now you have to try to put all those shattered pieces back into something that resembles a healthy, loving, trusting marriage 

 

Elle