This is so tough! I have sent you a DM, please reply if you want to connect via a video call. Where are you based? We're in Southern Hemisphere so face-to-face is unlikely, but my husband and I would be happy to catch up over Zoom and I know a couple of couples in the US that you might be able to reach out. This experience really is quite isolating, particularly in the first couple of years. The family members might eventually come around, but it's tough.

Hello KG, 
Welcome to our forum - you're in good company here.  

I'm so sorry for what you're experiencing.  That really adds to the pain, not having the support of the people around you, and it's crazy making to watch your newly out spouse be surrounded by her new community.  Our situation is unique, for sure, and I do think a lot of people don't quite know how to respond.  

As far as support - feel free to post here any time!  Might take a few days to get a response, but we're a friendly & supportive bunch.  Our stories might vary in detail, but the experience is remarkably consistent in the most important ways.

You also can send an email through the OurPath website to request one-on-one support, and a volunteer will call you.  That volunteer will likely be able to direct you to additional resources, Facebook groups, Zoom meetings, etc.  Also take a look at the resources listed at the beginning of the forum page.  

Is therapy an option for you? It's been enormously helpful for me to have a professional working with me through all of the various issues that were (are still) tangled together after my gay ex-husband came out.  You might consider notmycloset.com.  She's an Australian therapist specializing in straight spouses - she's a straight spouse herself.  She offers coaching to international clients. Even one or two sessions will help you process the shock of what you're going through. 

I'd like to address what you said about being not invited to friend functions because of the 5th wheel thing.  Do you have a close friend or two with whom you'd be comfortable having a short, honest conversation where you can tell them that you value their company and would really appreciate being included?  In my own situation, it was definitely weird at first to be the only single person in a group sometimes, but over time it has gotten better.  

I wish there were a magic healing wand for straight spouses.  We do, however, have each other, and that is no small thing.   


 

Each of your words are like a drop of cold water I needed.  Thank you all. 

I live in Nashville, TN, and I thought a big city like this would offer more than it seemingly does. Also, no one here knows of anyone in the Nashville area to connect with face to face by chance, do they?

I am trying to seek out a therapist who has any experience in what I am going through but have had no luck.  The suggestion of a therapist in Australia sounds very intriguing.  Ideally, I would love to see someone in person, but I don't think I can be too picky at this point.

I did finally confront a friend of mine and it was a great conversation that he admitted that I had been excluded because he assumed I wouldn't want to hang out with other couples. I told him I didn't mind at all and needed community.  This was a month ago. I still haven't been included back in to anything, but I still have hope for this. 

Hey man,

Sorry you're going through this. This is the last place you want to have to find friends, but it's better than holding onto all of it. I've been down this road myself, but with a different outcome so far (Check my post history). I may be the closest as I live in Ohio. Unfortunately, my SSA wife and I are hiding out in the closet together, so a face to face with me is not likely. To be clear, I'm not gay in the slightest, but as with many a mixed orientation marriage, we share in this secret. But feel free to message me on here.

If you are a Christian, I totally recommend finding a faith affirming therapist.

Anyway, welcome to the club no one wants to join, but now that you're here, you probably won't want to leave 😂

Thank you.  

Some clarification--C and I are in the process of divorcing. We have two daughters together (13 and 10), and because of them, we are currently still in the same home but in different rooms. We also can't really afford to live separately as C does not have a job right now. I would have chosen to stay married but C (as I mentioned) cannot be married to a man any longer. I expect the divorce to be finalized in the coming months. I don't know how long we will still be in the same house. We generally communicate well together and are trying to provide some stability for our kids.