I agree with you that there is a spectrum between attraction, neutrality, and aversion, but I think that can be true for everyone, regardless of sexual orientation. 

What you are describing, (gay men who are able to tolerate sex with women), in my opinion is not the same thing as being bisexual. A bisexual person is genuinely, enthusiastically, passionately attracted to members of both sexes, both physically and emotionally. 

But since we seem to conceptualize the idea of bisexuality differently, we can just agree to disagree on this point. 

you are believing a fantasy.  sexual orientation is like a switch, it's one way or the other.  It's not a spectrum - that's Kinsey scale gay talk.  

I saw a program about the mapping of dna once.  I was fascinated to hear it from the actual scientists.  He said they were looking at an overwhelming task and he said it was like a bag of marbles - a few big ones among a lot of little ones, and so they decided to map the big ones first.  And so when the big news broke, that the genome had been mapped, that is what was meant.  Just the big ones, the main ones surrounded by multitudes of little switches.  

I don't know how far the mapping of the little ones has gone by now but I do think we have a clear picture of what our dna looks like, how it works - with main switches surrounded by multitudes of small ones.  ie, main switch determines sexual orientation but there is a ton of variation depending on all the little switches.  The point is main switch is stable.  

Obviously same sex orientation doesn't naturally lead to babies - the only reasonable explanation for the numbers of people with same sex orientation being so prevalent is that a lot of people with it have been having sex with the opposite sex - I know you don't want to have babies but it remains one of the basic drivers we have.

The incompatibility between wanting to have sex with the same sex and wanting a family has to have been one of the big factors affecting human evolution doesn't it?

so back to the idea that a bisexual is attracted both ways.  what could that look like?  well the only thing I can imagine is that the power of love, a let's raise a family type love, transcends the mighty switch of sexual orientation and pulls it in line with their chosen one of the opposite sex.  But the writing on the wall says that doesn't happen.  The shift in hormones at mid life frequently discloses the underlying same sex attraction that has been there all along.

And the emotional pain a straight in a mom experiences is explained.  it never was a reciprocal relationship.






 

To walkbymyself,

Thanks for sharing that with me. I'm so sorry that you're husband treated you poorly and put you through all of that. Your frustration with him and that general experience is so valid. Whether or not you believe your husband is a victim in this circumstance, what he did hurt you and he should be held accountable for that too. 

Your point that their may be a sense of superiority to being bisexual rather than gay is interesting. To me, that makes sense considering the heteronormative world we live in. It makes sense that there are exclusively gay men who may feign bisexuality because proximity to heterosexuality provides safety and power. I'll have to think about this concept more going forward. 

As a straight tell me where do you see yourself fitting on Mr Kinsey's scale?

Nowhere is the answer isn't it.  Or maybe you could say you are at the 0% gay line.

It strikes me that orientation is one of the big switches, it's stable, even though there are multifarious shifting accommodations in mating behaviour.  My feet look different from when I was a baby but basically they're still my feet - that magnetism works in one direction, you can't walk south and north at the same time.  It's not that I don't believe bisexuality exists, I have watched the very genuine two step of falling in love with a man then a woman at close hand, it's just that I have also seen what came next - the eventual acceptance of being gay that comes with age and the self-observing recognition that when it came to having sex it was men he fancied.

edited to add - Alex I see you have written me a post in the interim - this post is addressed to Isa no time to respond to yours now.
 

Last edited by lily (Yesterday 9:29 pm)