Hello all,
I'm mostly just looking for a space to vent/open up with people in my situation.

(TLDR; my husband of only a year (married 1, together 10 years) recently came out as"possibly trans" )

My husband and I met when we were pretty young and it was a whirlwind relationship. Neither of us were looking for something serious but quickly fell in love.
I didn't want to be away from him, if I could have crawled inside his skin I think I would have. We had a great relationship, never fought, were always open and had great communication. Our sex life was amazing. Then about 6 months after being together I got unexpectedly pregnant (2 forms of birth control failed) and it took a huge toll on our relationship since we both initially wished to remain child free. I had a terrible pregnancy and my mental health took a huge toll during and after pregnancy but he was an amazing support system and I can't imagine my life without our son now.
We waited years to get married because I have trust issues and I didn't want to just get married because we had a child together because I wanted to get married and STAY married.

My husband has never been "macho" or overly manly. He's always been in touch with his feminine side and not toxically masculine (i thought) and I always adored him for that.
When my friends husbands complained about going to the theater or seeing a musical my husband was always excited to do the things that I love. And I felt special. And loved.

We're pretty mismatched sexually - that changed a lot during my pregnancy. Prior to i was always down for whatever but I was so sick during my pregnancy and HATED my body afterwards so I pulled away a lot. It's been something we've struggled with and I've tried to change but apparently it was obvious that I wasn't interested. And it started to feel like the only time I got ANY affection was when he was wanting sex, so subconsciously I even pulled away from general touching/holding etc.

Anyways. That was really our only complaint in our relationship. I felt safe, protected, and comfortable.
We got married in late 2023.
In July of this year we went to a party, at the party a acquaintance of mine approached me and said that she caught my husband taking photos of one of our friends without her knowledge.
I laughed and said "girl you're crazy"
But I couldn't let it go.
So I snagged his phone one day and I found THOUSANDS of photos of people I know, people I don't know in unsuspecting positions. Some at the pool just laying out, some were photos of people feet. Or if their butts when they bent over. Etc.
I immediately approached him with what I found and he literally had nothing to say to me. Not even a "sorry" he just stared at me and proceeded to leave the house.
When he finally came back home, I informed him how absolutely abhorrent what he did was. That it was sexual assault, that he should go to jail, I accused him of a million things and he claimed a sex addiction. I forced therapy upon him, and fell into myself with depression. A few days later I approached the subject again to confirm that all the photos were deleted and that it was never ever going to happen again. And that's when he dropped the bombshell on me that he thinks he has a sex addiction because he has gender dysphoria and always has.

At first I just said "okay" and basically changed the subject because I was in shock and didn't know what to do/say.
He found a therapist (insistent on an LGBT affirming one) and I've basically been a hole of a person since.

He told me that he felt comfortable coming out to me because he knew I wouldn't judge and because I'm bisexual (he labeled me that- I didn't label myself) and that he knew I'd be okay with it.
But the issue is that I'm not at all okay with continuing this relationship.
I'm obviously okay with him being his true self and living whatever identity he needs to live but it can NOT be with me in a marriage aspect.
That conversation coupled with the photos gave me the "ick" and I can't get over it.
He immediately started wearing these short ass shorts, shaving his body, wearing a cross body purse (he says its a fanny pack but we all know that's an excuse) and has made all of these changes within weeks.
I can't keep up. I haven't even wrapped my head around one infidelity and now I'm thrown into a MOM?!
I've brought up the fact that I don't think I can stay in this relationship and that I want him to know ahead of time so it's not a surprise but of course I get called "transphobic".
I'm absolutely not.
I am however so very hurt. I have no one to talk to because I'm embarrassed beyond measure.
I reached out to my best friend and told her what was happening and at first she was a great support system, but now she's ghosting me and I'm sure she's judging what I'm going through, So now I have no one. And I lost my husband and potentially a best friend.

I don't "care" that he's trans. I care that we were together for 9 years before I felt comfortable enough to get married and it was all a lie.
I care that I don't even know this person and as much as he claims that it "won't change anything" to me everything has changed.
I don't want to get divorced, I can't do that to my son, but I also can't stay in this marriage. I'll never be happy.
I'm a shell of the person I once was. I have to put a mask on to go to work or hang out with friends and I think everyone can suspect the tension.
I'm nervous about what I'll tell people if we get divorced, it's not my place to out him- so I'm going to look like the bad guy.
I feel used - I feel like he only stayed because he assumed I'd be a support system. I feel lied to and abandoned.
I'm grieving the life I thought I was going to have and I'm questioning everything.

He didn't take my to NYC ballet because he loved me that much- he wanted to pretend to be a girl going to the ballet.
He doesn't shop for me because he likes the way I look and wants to see me in XYZ outfit - he wanted to pretend he was shopping for himself.
He didn't stick up for women or claim feminism because he was obviously taking advantage of women behind my back.
He didn't want to accompany me to events with my friends because he loved me and wanted to spend time with me- he wanted to be included in girl spaces.
I feel used and manipulated, and lied to..and somehow he doesn't understand that at all. And claims that I'm being mean and want to break up our relationship.
I'm questioning if he ever loved me or just wanted to use me to get in female spaces.
He's evolving and getting to be his authentic self- while I'm crashing and dying under his authenticity.

If you've read this far *phew* you must be bored haha. But I appreciate others just hearing my story, and I appreciate knowing I'm not alone. <3