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Father’s day
I want to take a moment to honor the gift of being a father today. Especially here, in this community. I want to acknowledge the father’s left alone to take care of their children, separated from their children, or left trying to heal the wounds caused by others. I want to acknowledge the mothers who find themselves at a different place today, unable to celebrate the father of their children because of the choices he made. I’m sharing my journal entry today.
My children’s father is now absent from their lives after almost their whole childhood. Not because he died, well, in a manner of speaking, he did.I think this is worse because he is still physically living but they have no relationship with him because of his choices. I believe they miss that father they thought they used to know and love but now no longer recognize this person he has become. He is unwilling to reach out to them and ask for forgiveness, acceptance and love which I have no doubt they would willingly offer him. Rather he continues to hide in a different space, where he doesn’t have to look into the eyes of his children and be reminded of the pain that he has caused us all through his dishonesty. I wonder if its also a protective mechanism so he can continue to live in denial, knowing that his children would in someway unravel that secret he carries. So I guess, his shame is greater than his love. His shame of questioning his sexuality, his gender identity, his addiction. I dont know what to feel anymore about him. I could have a moment where I feel a sadness for him when he awakes today reflecting on this loss of his children, but its fleeting, because my deep thought's, love and empathy belong to the children he left behind. They wake up, not being able to celebrate their father, the man they believed loved them but rather a reminder of the loss in their lives for someone they once knew.
Last edited by Deleted (June 15, 2025 7:53 am)
- OutofHisCloset
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Re: Father’s day
My adult son, hurt and hurting from his trans-identifying father's actions, says that his infrequent contact with his father is mostly his own decision. I almost asked him yesterday if he planned to do anything with his father for Father's Day, given that his father would prefer not to be male, but I stay out of my son's relationship with his father, unless he brings his father up.
Maybe your ex feels shame, but maybe you're giving him too much credit. Perhaps he's just massively self-centered and self-obssessed, and without empathy for either you or his children, in which case it's better for your kids in the long run that he's not around them. At least they have a caring mother.