Man, it's really tough. Finding out about cheating was one of the most painful experiences of my life. I had it happen in two previous (straight) relationships (my current BH never cheated). Get yourself into therapy as soon as you can and give yourself time to heal. There will be many people on this forum, who experienced infidelity and they will be able to share their stories.

Her sexuality will complicate things, but don't let anyone tell you that it was OK to cheat because she is attracted to women. Homo- and bisexuality are not "get out of jail" cards.

Likewise, don't let the sexuality cloud your judgement - work on the relationship and rebuilding trust (if you decide to repair), not on trying to decode her sexuality.

You might work through it. However, leaving is also a viable option in your situation. If you don't think you can ever trust her again - it might be your best option.

Given that we’re separated for 3 months (but living together still) is it cheating? We’ve already started divorce proceedings. She says it’s just her moving on. I’m the only person she’s told about her feelings for women, and I have told her out of respect that I won’t tell anyone about it or what happened, as it’s not my place to.

I keep replaying the audio I heard over and over in my head, and although it’s clarified details for me, I can’t help feeling I’ve created some trauma. I do intend on trying to find a therapist to visit.

To further make it worse, my ex asked me this morning if her ‘friend’ could message me. I said I needed to process things a bit first, but once I’d done that I’d maybe be open to speaking to her. She then forwarded me a message from her ‘friend’ so completely ignored my wishes. Basically her ‘friend’ admitted to what happened but was trying to justify their actions by saying they’ve had a tough time recently.

Hi Lily.

Yeah it’s still very early, but I’ve spoken to a lawyer and we’re currently waiting for dates to go to mediation.

The part I’m most concerned about is trying to preserve some level of a relationship with her to allow us to coparent the kids in a wholesome and flexible way. We ended up having a very civilised and open talk tonight.  She says that this was the first time her and her friend have slept together, although a small part of me thinks that might not be the case. The part I’m questioning though is should I try and get the truth, or does it actually make any difference and should I just drop it? After all, we’re separated so she can actually do what she likes.

It’s just so hard to go from being each others worlds, to actually now just been housemates with kids. I’ve explained to her that I’m at my absolute capacity with how much shit I can take. Everytime I small bit of weight gets taken off my shoulders, something else comes along. I’ve got two people who I speak to who are in similar situations as me, albeit without their partners becoming gay, and they offer support in their own ways. I’m also hoping to have an initial assessment this week for some therapy, because I really don’t want to be carrying this with me for the rest of my life.

I don’t feel like I have anything to gain by telling anyone. And I don’t want to make things difficult for her whilst we’re still living together and co parenting the kids. She didn’t ask me to not tell anyone, although that is what she wants. It was my choice to tell her that I had no intentions of telling anyone.

After not talking to each other for a few weeks, we had a good chat last night and cleared the air. I’ve explained that it’s not what she did or who she did it with that has hurt me, but the fact that it was in our marital home that we’re all still living in, and the fact that I ended up inadvertently hearing them having sex. I really wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy.