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Welcome to the OurPath (formerly Straight Spouse Network) Open Forum.
This forum is for discussion of issues related to Mixed Orientation relationships only, that is when one partner is heterosexual (straight) and one is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning.
If this does not apply to your topic, please find another forum.
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* Any discussion of LGBT related issues is acceptable provided it remains constructive and respectful of other viewpoints. Hateful, degrading, or prejudiced speech and/or personal attacks will not be tolerated.
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    May 18, 2025 10:26 am  #1

    Blue By You
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    I never thought I would be here

    I never knew such a network was out here or that I would need one.  A couple of days ago, I found out my husband of many many years is gay and in a relationship with another man.  Although I have suspected it for several years it was still a bombshell kick in the gut when I found the proof of this other person and confronted my husband.  Yes, he's upset, has apologized, etc but I haven't been happy in a while.  He wants to stay together I assume for appearance purposes.  He hasn't been able to love me in a long time.  I can't believe he thinks it's fair to ask me to stay in the relationship?  And he is not bi-sexual.  He is completely gay and hasn't been attracted to me in many years.  He blamed it on  E.D.  which I stupidly believed.  I am humiliated, angry, sad, anxious and empty.    Has anyone with a totally gay husband made this work?  Is coping really living?  I am quite frankly tired of the difficult.  I would love to hear from anyone on here who can advise me in the proper steps here.  And from anyone who has found resolution.  Thank you so much.  

     

    May 24, 2025 3:29 am  #2

    Str8Mom
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    Re: I never thought I would be here

    Honestly, do you really WANT to stay with someone who isn't attracted to you and was capable of cheating on you and lying to you for years?  Bc of he TRULY loved you... even in a platonic way- he would've had the respect for you to not lie and cheat on you. Advice is to leave and rebuild. Yes, it's hard.  There will be a grieving process, and it takes time- this group has been vet helpful- even just from reading for the past couple of years before partaking in conversations.
    But the peace I have now that I'm away from my Gxh is so very great. 

    If you are going to make it work- maybe post in the MOM (mixed orientation marriages) that link is for those making it work. In my opinion though... he Lied and Cheated... he didn't come out and say how can we work on dealing with the feelings I have together.  He wants it all without regard to how it hurts you.

    I wish you all the best.  Please reach out to this group and read through many of the stories...I believe it will help tremendously.

     

     

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