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- lily
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Re: Witchcraft, Novels, and more!!!
In terms of respect it comes down to how strong the feelings are between you, if there is love from my perspective it's a form of disrespect not to acknowledge it. 
Divorce is a horrible process to go through but I have to say now through it I am just grateful that it was possible to do.
- HeldHostageInHerCloset
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Re: Witchcraft, Novels, and more!!!
So. You know what you need to do. You have more than enough evidence. She is actively involved in her chosen path, but still lies constantly about it. You have 3 home schooled kids, one graduating this spring.
Had PI involved. Gay bar one day, a hotel the next, and a sex shop the next all while texting the same 22 year old, and going to her house before the hotel.
Do you wait til after graduation, or do you just go on and file knowing the potential devastation ahead?
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Thread Starter- HeldHostageInHerCloset
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Re: Witchcraft, Novels, and more!!!
At this point, I don't know if she's careless or wants me to out her.
Gay bar posted a picture of her on a sofa with another girl talking to both their main IG page as well as their lesbian dance party page. She wasn't facing the camera directly, but sort of a pose with a clear profile and her arm tattoos showing, so no denying.
Started with a new therapist last friday, just basically covered the basics so far. Guilt from porn use and causing betrayal trauma and how that's impacted my ability to act on this. At the end of the day, the results are going to be the same, this is not sustainable.
As far as filing, She doesn't seem to know how much I know yet. Do I just file and have her served, or do I sit down with her first knowing that regardless of what she says, I've got to carry through?
Last edited by HeldHostageInHerCloset (March 26, 2025 4:32 pm)
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Thread Starter- lily
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Re: Witchcraft, Novels, and more!!!
Hi Held,
Divorce is horrible nothing can prepare you - you have the instinctive knowledge to know how to proceed but basically don't blunder into this being nice about it, that's not a good move as we find out, I think most of us are thinking oh how will our stbx respond, can we help them but actually we should be thinking my stbx is going to do their best to get anything and everything off me they can.
Take a deep breath, plot your course. It's a lawyer you need now. My lawyer gave me a figure she said this is what family court will award you try to keep to it, and I did pretty well though I conceded a bit in the ensuing negotiations which my ex and I did by email - that worked well.
all the best, Lily
ps do you see your porn use in the light of having been in your marriage all this time? how guilty do you need to feel?
Last edited by lily (March 26, 2025 6:13 pm)
- Rob
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Re: Witchcraft, Novels, and more!!!
Held,
Sad, but not surprised, that per your thread title there is "more'. Always more.. horrible stuff. But at least you know what to expect and what she is all about.
I'm like 9 years divorced now and while it was difficult to go through I thank God everyday to not be married to plotting and scheming partner who had new schemes of hurt every day. There is a peace, a solace, a safety in knowing when you get up in the morning there is no one actively plotting to hurt you more.
Be stoic and consistent for your kids, plan your exit. When ready simply tell her its over. Sadly many of her problems will need to remain her problems and not your's to solve. Their are consequences to cheating in a marriage...this they know, and they do it anyway. There is a pomp and circumstance to divorcing/separating...its a formal conclusion...these spouses left us long ago.
Wishing you strength, courgage and Christianity (as opposed to witchcraft).
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: Witchcraft, Novels, and more!!!
HeldHostageInHerCloset wrote:
Do I just file and have her served, or do I sit down with her first knowing that regardless of what she says, I've got to carry through?
She will hold you hostage until you stop thinking about how she is going to respond and carry on with the path you have already decided on.
In my opinion she doesn't deserve forewarning but be prepared for any adverse reaction. Be calm. Be strong.
Elle
KIA KAHA
- freedmyself
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Re: Witchcraft, Novels, and more!!!
I'm unclear about the purpose behind sitting down with her before you file. She's not going to magically change if you tell her that you're about to file for divorce. I'm thinking about the "potential devastation ahead" that you mentioned in an earlier post. It's an interesting way to look at things - seems like you've already been devastated.
In my case, before the GXH disclosed, I felt like something was different about him and spent So Much Energy wondering where he was, and what he was doing, and who he was doing it with, and why he wouldn't talk to me. I'm so very relieved post-split to have that energy back, to think about me, and where I want to go, and do, and be with.
You filing for divorce isn't the devastation - it's her choices and her betrayal. You're just getting untangled from her mess.