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1 - Jupiter1
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Cycling
Hi all. Anyone relate to cycles of trying to make it work and then crashing? O
Last edited by Jupiter1 (July 28, 2025 9:01 pm)
- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: Cycling
Nobody can end this but you Jupiter. I know it.... you know it 😜
I did the cycling thing for years. It maddened me so much I had to talk myself into accepting the cycles because I just knew it would, it had to! come to an end one day.
Every straightspouse needs an adult child like yours.
E
KIA KAHA Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â
- MarieSmith
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Re: Cycling
It's definitely a mindfuck.
One thing that helped me came from one of my teen kids (these wisened ones, ha!) when seeing me cry. Â My response to why I was crying was "because it's my husband." Â My kiddo said "no it's not, your husband is dead. Â That's just some stranger that looks like him." Â
Thinking about it that way really helped even through the divorce when what he was doing did not at all line up with who I knew him to be. Â A stranger I was forced to interact with, but who definitely didn't have my or my kids' well being as priority.
Hugs to you Jupiter -Â
"Marie"
- Jupiter1
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Re: Cycling
Thanks for your lovely messages, and for sharing hard won wisdom. You’re right Elle I know I have to take action to stop. And agreed, it’s definitely a mindf*** Marie. I’m so happy you both broke free.
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Thread Starter- Rob
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Re: Cycling
Mariesmith,
Wow that's a wise kid you have.
I hid what tears I could from my kids..it wasn't something thru could solve..and they were nit as wise as your kid.
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .."Â 2Corinthians 5:7
- Rob
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Re: Cycling
Jupiter1,
I think at some point we realize we cannot control or change our spouses..no more than we can control the tides and weather.
Their actions say all we need to know. I will say there are good people in the world with fierce genuine qualities.. but our spouses just aren't it.
Be kind to yourself and know that you tried.
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .."Â 2Corinthians 5:7
- Anon 765
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Re: Cycling
Hi Jupiter,
First, you're not f***ed up - the situation is!
I definitely felt most able to let go once the divorce was final. We were going to stay legally separated because it was slightly more beneficial to me financially in the long term, but he wound up filing for divorce very soon after he moved out to get remarried. Whatever. Once the divorce was actually final, I realized... I have no more ties to him and I can really move on.
I cycled for many years. One day I just quit trying. I hope you figure out what works best for you. Good luck!
Anon 765
- freedmyself
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Re: Cycling
Jupiter,Â
Once my GXH disclosed, it was obvious to me that we needed to divorce. Once he was out to me, he went through a second adolescence that made him unrecognizable to me. So much was hidden from me while were together that I can't imagine wanting to remain married, even legally separated. For me, it's so much better to be completely free, for every aspect of my well-being. I think time away from him has definitely helped my healing but I also am actively working on getting better - I'm not sure time alone does the trick. Â
- Fbibarbie
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Re: Cycling
I found out my husband had a Grindr account and I made an appointment with an attorney the next day. My lawyer advised me to protect my finances. I filed for divorce, after 42 years of marriage. I found out through the divorce process that over the past 10 years he has swindled money from our marital accounts preparing for his disclosure day. Thank goodness my lawyer pushed for me to secure my assets. Forgery, hidden accounts, expensive purchases, fraud, etc. it’s a lot to comprehend on top of the fact I was married to a closeted sociopathic narcissist. It’s been a whirlwind year, but I hope to also be in a better mind space once I know the divorce is final. I have been married since 18 and want to enjoy being a single, independent woman.
Last edited by Fbibarbie (April 2, 2025 8:39 pm)
- Jupiter1
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Re: Cycling
Your story is harrowing fbi-Grindr then discovering the financial fraud x 10 years. Well done getting out and quickly. I hope your new freedom brings you peace - I love your wanting to enjoy your independence again. Nice strong spirit there.
Thanks Anon and Freed for sharing your experiences. freed and anyone else, what helped you with your moving on that time alone didn’t heal?
Last edited by Jupiter1 (April 7, 2025 10:56 pm)
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Thread Starter