I have been spiraling. I know more than enough to be sure of what's going on, and it's still going on. She's got yet another of her erotic novels about to release, still deep into occult.. and the whole time I'm struggling with guilt of my own porn use. Since the night the PI confirmed suspicions, I've fallen back on that, I don't know if it's just a fear of being alone, fearing no one else will want me, I just can't move. I pushed back thru the holidays (for the kids), then I've got travel coming up, then kids birthdays back to back... then... who knows, there's always a reason to push back. 
I went down the rabbit hole of narcissism videos on social media, now that the algorithm has noticed, that's all my feeds are now... Half telling me I'm the victim, the other I AM the narcissist... Again, guilt of my own issues. 
in the year and a half since finding out, I lost 35lbs int he first 3 months, then steadily since then I gained back 60+ and just felt horrible. So I joined a gym and got a trainer, Have lost about 12lbs or so since the first of the year, walking as much as I can, it's been in the teens (Fahrenheit) but still getting 3 miles in at a time. 
Talked to another lawyer, sounds like at most, the best I can hope for is 50/50 and MAYBE no alimony. He, and others i've been talking to say it's better to settle for that in mediation, then fight the custody battle after it's finalized, keeping track of her behavior and involvement. 

It's a lot right now. I'm just angry, but not that she's gay, but that she hasn't had the decency to just leave.