Just a few days before my birthday in 2021, my husband came to me and told me that he was transgender. This was a long time coming, he knew since he was 8 years old but kept it hidden away. He had battled mental demons for years - attempting to fix himself through every anti-depressant imaginable, drugs, alcohol, and therapy. I remained committed and stayed by his side, offering my love and support.

As he changed into her, she became self-centered and even more verbally abusive. My world was slipping away and this replacement spouse who had entered the relationship demanded too much of me, while my own mental health declined. I began dissociating with our interactions. My spouse found another transwoman to partner up with, bought a new car, and rubbed their relationship in my face. I was just supposed to accept this behavior. Upon the relationship ending after 3 months, and returning to the home, my spouse wanted me to provide emotional support at the grief over losing this stranger. My spouse finally left the home that fall.

I began therapy for myself in Spring of 2023. I went from stay-at-home mom to our daughter to trying to work again. I was in such a state of distress and constant panic, that I ended up working a job for three days and quitting and then finding another job and working a whole week before quitting. Fortunately, I found a third job that I stayed at for a little over a year, but I find that holding jobs after everything that happened is difficult for me. I have cptsd from it all, but it's such a frustrating experience to go out into the world and look "normal" when I feel like I'm going to break down at any minute.

This year will be 4 years since my spouse came out as transgender, and it hasn't gotten easier. There are many triggers and sometimes I feel like a grieving widow and other times like a crazed lunatic spiraling out of control. I'm hopeful that this year will bring peace and happiness.